Sunday Funnies

I Remember

Dancing Under The Gallows

This is the most inspiring video I have ever watched. Almost 107 the oldest Holocaust survivor in the world was saved because she played the piano. If you cannot come away from this with more love in your heart than before you aren't getting the message.

h/t to Kenju at Imagine

Some Fall Pictures from Bob Kelly

Click on pictures to embiggen.

An Open Letter to Craig Ferguson

Craig,
I used to watch your show. Actually I still watch it. The difference is that now when you "pick on a Gay" I will turn it off. When you make a gay joke or gay innuendo you are fostering the culture of hate which leads to gay suicide. The children who are gay do not understand that you are a comedian or that you probably aren't really a homophobe but when you pick on an "easy" target you add to the acceptance of our society to bully these youngsters who only see that people don't like them. Perhaps you think they don't see your show but others do and what you are doing adds to the sick culture which has gotten us to the place where these kids hang themselves or jump off bridges.

Some years ago I stopped making certain types of jokes in my classroom when I discovered that the "Polish" jokes hurt the feelings of one of my students who was of Polish descent. I was insensitive but once it was pointed out to me I quit. You should also. I would not allow my students to make "retard" jokes and to your credit you don't do that either. I just wish you were more sensitive to those "gay" jokes that you can never seem to get through a show without doing. There are other ways to be funny.

Found For Friday (Halloween Edition)

What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern

The Musical Theater Lover’s favorite October Story**

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe…as it happens, in Romania, near Transylvania They were driving along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car.

Suddenly, the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance.

Bob carefully picks her up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks.

A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts,

“Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”

“I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in, and I will get him!” Bob brings his wife in.

An older man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do.

Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.”

Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried. “Things are serious, Igor.Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail.Bob and Betty Hill have both passed away. The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master:

PUNCHLINE COMING ………………….

*
ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE READY?? …………………………
*
WELL OKAY, HERE IT IS………….
*

“Master, Master!…..The Hills are alive with the sound of music!”

Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies?

A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.

Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?

A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?

A. He didn't have a haunting license.

Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?

A. He had no body to dance with.

Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?

A. At the casketeria.

Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?

Q. He heard it had great circulation.

Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?

A. Whipped scream

Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married?

A. Newlywebbed

Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?

A. Give him screws.

Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business?

A. He wanted to get ahead in life.

Q. When does a ghost have breakfast?

A. In the moaning.

Q. What do ghosts drink at breakfast?

A. Coffee with scream and sugar

Q. What do they teach in witching school?

A. Spelling.

Q. What do you call a witch's garage?

A. A broom closet.

Q. What do you call two witches living together?

A. Broommates.
Q. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?

A. A cereal killer.
W. Why do ghosts like to ride elevators?

A.it raises their spirits.
Q. Why does a cemetery have to keep a fence around it?

A. Because people are dying to get in.

Q. What did Dracula say after reading all these jokes?

A. They suck!
How do you make a milkshake? You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell BOO!!

What's a cold evil candle Called? The wicked wick of the north!

What is a vampires favorite mode of transportation? The Blood Vessel!

HEAVEN OR HELL

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a roblem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted"


Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

It Gets Better

This is one of the most powerful "It Gets Better" Videos I have ever seen. It is Oral Robert's gay grandson's letter to his gay uncle who killed himself. I recommend that you watch it fullscreen as it is much easier to read the chalkboard. But do watch it.

A Must Read for those thinking of voting against retention

Michael Gartner writing in CityView.

The decision was not about religious marriage, not about lifestyles, not about politics, not about sex. It was neither a jump off the historical path of the court nor a lurch into “judicial activism.” It was simply another in a continuing line of decisions that preserve and protect the rights of all Iowans. It was groundbreaking only in the sense that few other states have recognized same-sex marriage. But — as the unanimity of the decision illustrated — it was a decision that was logical in its reasoning and demanded by the Iowa constitution.

This is a thoughtful, well-researched article that taught me something I recommend that you click here to go read it.

Fireworks

Dog O'Lanterns