I Can't Believe I Ate the Holy Thing!
A cannibal ate a priest and got very sick. Upon visiting the village witch doctor and telling of his symptoms, the witch doctor asked how he cooked the priest. The cannibal replied that he had boiled it.
Hearing this the witch doctor exclaimed, "Well no wonder you're sick! He was a Friar!"
I'm positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
If I was addicted to masturbation and then
became addicted to sex would it be safe to say
my addiction got out of hand?
I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift.
But I couldn't find a manual.
A boy was born who had Indian, Chinese, Irish
and Italian grandmothers.
They couldn't decide on a name for him.
Then it hit them...
They called him Ravi O'Lee.
I, for one, like Roman numerals.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex
on the hood of her Honda Civic.
But if I'm going to have sex,
it's going to be on my own Accord.
A Mexican magician told his audience
that he would disappear on the count of three.
He went, "Uno, dos..."
And POOF! He disappeared without a tres.
Three men are on a boat one day.
They all smoke and they've got four cigarettes
but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard
and the whole boat
becomes a cigarette lighter.
I just had a near-sex experience...
My wife flashed before my eyes.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral