From The Christian Left (From a post shared by member Brian Meadows, a note to people who think there's a "war on Christmas":) "If you want to keep Christ in Christmas, worry about things more important than the signs and decorations at JC Penney. You think Christmas should be about Christ? Then take up your cross and follow Jesus – not into department stores, but into the prisons, the hospitals, among the poor and the outcast. You get angry when someone doesn't say 'Christmas?' Try getting angry over Christ's children dying of malnutrition or AIDS. Try getting angry over the fact that the Christmas chocolate you love so much was kept cheap on the back of the working poor. Try getting angry over the fact that Christians are keeping people out of churches with their closed minds and closed doors. You want to keep Christ in Christmas? Try putting Christ in your life first."
VIENNA, Virginia - The owner of the Ringling Bros. circus has agreed to pay a $270,000 fine to settle allegations that it violated federal animal-welfare laws in its handling of elephants, tigers, zebras and other exotic animals. More here.
Wikipedia reports in their article on elephants that " There is growing resistance against the capture, confinement, and use of wild elephants. Animal rights advocates allege elephants in zoos and circuses "suffer a life of chronic physical ailments, social deprivation, emotional starvation, and premature death". Zoos argue that standards for treatment of elephants are extremely high and minimum requirements for such things as minimum space requirements, enclosure design, nutrition, reproduction, enrichment and veterinary care are set to ensure the well-being of elephants in captivity. However, elephants in zoos have a reduced life-span and reproduction compared to working elephants in timber camps[and in a survey of elephants in the UK, 54% of the elephants showed stereotypical behaviour.[ Circuses continue to have a mixed record. Recently, the city of Los Angeles closed an elephant act with Circus Vazquez due to numerous instances of abuse and neglect (April 2008), and according to PETA, 27 elephants owned by Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus have died since 1992. Elephants have traditionally been a major part of circuses around the world, being intelligent enough to be trained in a variety of acts (see for example P.T. Barnum's Jumbo and John L. Sullivan, the famous "Boxing Elephant"). However, conditions for circus elephants are unnatural (confinement in small pens or cages, restraints on their feet, lack of companionship of other elephants)." I used to belong to the Shrine. One of the things I did not like about the Shrine was the Circus with the elephants. I enjoyed seeing the elephants and am always in awe of them but once I had been made aware of the treatment of their animals I really did not want to be associated with the Shrine Circus. You can read some of the facts about the Shrine Circus in a fact sheet here. I am not going to put the Shrine down. They do much good. However in some cases they need to wake up to the facts. Is it fair to raise money by mistreating the majestic animals who are intelligent, social and caring? One of the elephants in the Elephant Sanctuary (Link below) had a dog for a friend. Tarra and Bella were inseparable. When Bella was killed (probably by coyotes) Tarra carried her up to where she would be found and then mourned her much as humans mourn for their dead loves. You can see their story on the Web Site. The Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee is home to rescued elephants. You can see them here. I am glad that the Circus had to pay a fine. I wish that there was a law prohibiting the display of these animals. In the meantime I am glad that there are people who dedicate their lives to helping these endangered animals.
Teddy is making the rounds. My sister had him on Facebook and I have seen him in several places. He is adorable.
Monday was a busy day. I had to go down to Altoona for a meeting. While I was there I filled up with gas which was 15 cents a gallon cheaper than the gas in Ames. I came home after the meeting and had a yoghurt and then worked on a form letter to send some checks out that the Lodge had voted to spend to help with Charity projects. I set up an Excell spreadsheet to fill in the names, addresses, amounts and then wrote the letter using a mail merge function and when I printed them each was individual for the recipient. I then could write the checks, generate labels for the envelopes and mail the checks. I don't know that it was efficient as I had to do some learning to do it but once I got things set up it was really slick. Worked like magic.
Speaking of magic. I don't know how they do it but my cell phone has a navigator function. All I had to do was type in the address of the place I was going and hit the button and the phone found the Satellite and gave me step by step directions on getting to the Lodge Hall in Altoona. I had printed out a map from "Get Directions" on Google Maps and I don't know how they work either but it is wonderful to live in an era when we have so much available to make our lives easier.
Speaking of easier - Brandon came over and fixed my recliner and the dishwasher. I was afraid that I was going to have to purchase a new dishwasher but Brandon fixed it. He is so good. I really appreciate the fact that Su told me about him and he my go-to guy for everything. He remodeled my bathroom when we moved in here and built the ramps so Ginny would be able to roll in and out after she got into the wheel chair. He built the porch on the back where I can spend some time during Spring, Summer and Autumn. and if anything goes wrong around the place he will take care of it. Everybody should have a Brandon in their lives.
The recliner is back and I sat in it this evening and promptly fell asleep. So I woke up around 10:00 and was thankful that I had DVD'ed them so I could watch them. Miles has settled back into the routine and I am getting more exercise by getting up and down to let him in and out. It is nice to have him here.
Have a wonderful Tuesday. Thanks for stopping by. ARWYA - Hugs
Miles is over for a week. Jon has a lot going on with papers to write and Miles would wind up being alone a lot and ignored while Jon is writing a 25 page paper, etc. So he brought him over here for a visit. The first thing he did was go outside to check to see if the back yard was still there. (it was) Then he played with Cassie - bumped Bailey and lay down at my feet for a nap. It is good to have him here.
Yesterday I took Amy, Lee and Aiden to the airport and then I went to Costco. I didn't spend much money but did get some breakfast bars so that (breakfast) is taken care of for the next couple of months. Then I went out to Johnston to go to the movie. I was going to go to the movie at Jordan Creek but the parking lot was rather full so I left.
Hugo is Martin Scorsese's first 3-D movie. Set in 1930s Paris, an orphan who lives in the walls of a train station is wrapped up in a mystery involving his late father and an automaton. - It moved a little slow at times but was mostly enchanting and a delight to watch. I don't usually care for 3-D movies but Sorsese did a masterful job with it and it was not intrusive on the story but fit right in.
The film is an homage to Georges Méliès It is well worth watching and by the way I found the theater experience much better than the Cinemark Theater in Ames. Not only was it cleaner but there were plenty of people to wait on you. I even noticed that the theater had at least two young people in wheel chairs as employees. I am always glad to see that since I have a sister in a wheel chair and am well aware of how difficult it is for people in a wheel chair to get a job. I recommend the film and the theater in Johnston.
My dishwasher died so I am getting a new one. I hope it is soon as I had to actually wash dishes by hand today. My hands are clean and my glasses are also but I am still not finished. Hopefully I will get the new one tomorrow. That plus the repair from my Lazy-boy which broke.
This morning I slept through the alarm and slept until 11:30 - Can't do that tomorrow as I have a meeting in Altoona at 10:00. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, j
This morning I woke up at 4:30 am. picked up Bailey and snuggled with him, then I dozed until 6:30 when I woke up again. I turned the computer on.. nothing much happening. read some of the very excellent Bishop John Shelby Spong book on Re-Claiming the Bible for a Non-Religious World. Had some coffee and went back to sleep.
I would probably still be sleeping except I got a wrong number and that woke me up. So I turned to the Computer again and checked Facebook and my Reader and there wasn't much happening there. That is not allowed to happen tomorrow as I am taking Amy, Lee and Aiden to the airport for them to fly back. There is a wind advisory so I hope I don't get blown off the road on the way down.
Saw this headline - George W. Bush Cancels Switzerland Visit Over Fears Of Arrest For War Crimes
He should be arrested here for violating the anti-torture provisions of the treaties we signed but he probably considered them the way he did the Constitution - "Just a piece of paper."
Watched The Blues Brothers last night on TV. What a great movie. I have dropped HBO. I will miss True blood and Game of Thrones but the rest of their offerings just wasn't up to par for the expensive. Now that I have a new car and subsequent car payments being a bit more I have to adjust. Oh well, It has always been that way. Maybe someday I will win the lottery. Perhaps I should buy a ticket. I think perhaps though I will be better off getting a ticket to see Hugo. It got two thumbs up on the IPT "At The Movies." Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, j
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical advice.
The Minnesota Highway Patrol is cracking down on speeders heading into Minneapolis.
For the first offense, they give you 2 Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Minnesota Vikings
Q. What do the Vikings and Billy Graham have in common? A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
Q. How do you keep a Minnesota Viking out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.
Q. What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring? A. An Imposter.
Q. What's the difference between the Minnesota Viking and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q. How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl? A. Nobody Knows
Q. What do the Vikings and a possums have in common? A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
YOU KNOW YOU NEED A NEW LAWYER WHEN...
* You met him in prison.
* During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
* He tells you that his last good case was a Budweiser.
* When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five
* He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
* He tells you that he's never told a lie.
I would like to share an experience with all of you.
It has to do with drinking and driving. As you know, some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. The other night, I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much beer and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before. Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yes a bus! I arrived home safely and without incident.
This was a really big surprise to me, since I have never driven a bus before.............
"DEVEREAUX GETS HOME LATE
Devereaux staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Landry. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Betty Lou.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Devereaux sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Devereaux woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Betty Lou staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Devereaux said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Betty Lou said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."
November 24, 2011
A PROCLAMATION BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
One of our Nation's oldest and most cherished traditions, Thanksgiving Day brings us closer to our loved ones and invites us to reflect on the blessings that enrich our lives. The observance recalls the celebration of an autumn harvest centuries ago, when the Wampanoag tribe joined the Pilgrims at Plymouth Colony to share in the fruits of a bountiful season. The feast honored the Wampanoag for generously extending their knowledge of local game and agriculture to the Pilgrims, and today we renew our gratitude to all American Indians and Alaska Natives. We take this time to remember the ways that the First Americans have enriched our Nation's heritage, from their generosity centuries ago to the everyday contributions they make to all facets of American life. As we come together with friends, family, and neighbors to celebrate, let us set aside our daily concerns and give thanks for the providence bestowed upon us.
Though our traditions have evolved, the spirit of grace and humility at the heart of Thanksgiving has persisted through every chapter of our story. When President George Washington proclaimed our country's first Thanksgiving, he praised a generous and knowing God for shepherding our young Republic through its uncertain beginnings. Decades later, President Abraham Lincoln looked to the divine to protect those who had known the worst of civil war, and to restore the Nation "to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union."
In times of adversity and times of plenty, we have lifted our hearts by giving humble thanks for the blessings we have received and for those who bring meaning to our lives. Today, let us offer gratitude to our men and women in uniform for their many sacrifices, and keep in our thoughts the families who save an empty seat at the table for a loved one stationed in harm's way. And as members of our American family make do with less, let us rededicate ourselves to our friends and fellow citizens in need of a helping hand.
As we gather in our communities and in our homes, around the table or near the hearth, we give thanks to each other and to God for the many kindnesses and comforts that grace our lives. Let us pause to recount the simple gifts that sustain us, and resolve to pay them forward in the year to come.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Thursday, November 24, 2011, as a National Day of Thanksgiving. I encourage the people of the United States to come together whether in our homes, places of worship, community centers, or any place of fellowship for friends and neighbors to give thanks for all we have received in the past year, to express appreciation to those whose lives enrich our own, and to share our bounty with others.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this sixteenth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-sixth.
TWAS THE NIGHT OF THANKSGIVING,
BUT I JUST COULDN'T SLEEP.
I TRIED COUNTING BACKWARDS,
I TRIED COUNTING SHEEP. THE LEFTOVERS BECKONED -
THE DARK MEAT AND WHITE,
BUT I FOUGHT THE TEMPTATION
WITH ALL OF MY MIGHT. TOSSING AND TURNING WITH ANTICIPATION,
THE THOUGHT OF A SNACK BECAME INFATUATION.
SO, I RACED TO THE KITCHEN, FLUNG OPEN THE DOOR,
AND GAZED AT THE FRIDGE, FULL OF GOODIES GALORE.
GOBBLED UP TURKEY AND BUTTERED POTATOES,
PICKLES AND CARROTS, BEANS AND TOMATOES. I FELT MYSELF SWELLING SO PLUMP AND SO ROUND,
'TIL ALL OF A SUDDEN, I ROSE OFF THE GROUND.
I CRASHED THROUGH THE CEILING, FLOATING INTO THE SKY,
WITH A MOUTHFUL OF PUDDING AND A HANDFUL OF PIE.
BUT, I MANAGED TO YELL AS I SOARED PAST THE TREES....
HAPPY EATING TO ALL - PASS THE CRANBERRIES, PLEASE.
MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY,
MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP.
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS.
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS!! HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL
Bob sent me the link to this video. I recommend watching it full screen to see the expressions on peoples faces. It made me smile, and tear up some as I thought about how most music is made as a group experience. This certainly was. People working together to make something harmonious and beautiful. The performers and the audience are all aware of this. One man just sat right down on the ground with his kids to listen. Do we ever just stop and sit and listen, or look.
I know that there are soloists and sometimes we prefer to be alone but no one is ever truly alone as there is a Great Friend looking over his (or her) shoulder guiding and supporting - we just have to become aware. Were there people who walked right on by this wonderful "flash mob" you bet. It was their loss. This week I think about the things I am thankful for. I am particularly thankful for those "moment of beauty" which we can find when we look for them and for the Internets that bring us so many more. Enjoy.
Aiden and his folks are here for Thanksgiving. Staying with my Aunt Jo who does not like having her picture on FB - nor did his mother. However his dad was asleep on the sofa and did not know I was taking his picture. Anyway here he is. Cutie pie. He did not know me so he was a little stand-offish at first but he warmed up. When I would take his picture it was Mr. Sobersides but as soon as I took it there was this glorious smile. I tried to get it and you might be able to see a little of it. Anyway he is one handsome lad and he did let me pick him up before I left. He is heavy. Probably going to be a football player like his uncle Michael.
So many people believe in a god of vengeance and rage and not of peace and Love. "God is Love." is all the religious guidance anyone should need. If everything is viewed through the lens of Love - all will be well. jcs
I went to Polk City for their Eastern Star Beef and Noodle dinner and sale today. The first bite of the noodles was worth the drive down . Comfort food. And I had a piece of mince meat pie. YUMMY!
After I left the dinner I drove to Des Moines. To get there I had to cross the mile long bridge (The picture above is stolen from somewhere and the link will take you to a video of someone riding their bike across the bridge.) The Bridge has a posted speed limit of 35 MPH and I was (for a change) following the speed limit. You can see the no passing yellow line. I WAS PASSED. A car felt that he could not stay behind me for the two minutes it would take to cross the bridge and so he passed me
I had my camera with me and kept him in sight the rest of the way into Des Moines. I caught up to him at a stop light and the next picture is the result. You can see he is from out of state so perhaps they don't follow the same traffic rules in Nevada as we do in Iowa.
I went on into Des Moines and believe me he was not the only asshat driving today. I went to Letter Perfect and got my 2012 pocket calendar and then drove down to The Varsity Theater near Drake and went to see The Way. An excellent film and I always enjoy the Varsity experience. The price of the ticket is reasonable ($5 matinee) and I had a pop corn (small) and diet pepsi for $3.80. Not only that but the lady behind the counter carried them to my seat for me as I have difficulty with steps. The theater itself is large and reminds me of theaters of a by-gone era. Just pleasant all the way round. Not at all line going to Cinemax.
Jon stopped by earlier this week and I snapped a couple of shots of him which I had not shared. I asked him about the facial hair and go the response - "It is Movember" I kind of like it.
I may go down to Waveland Park for their Breakfast tomorrow. It has been a long time. I am also planning on seeing Amy and Lee and their son at my Aunt Jo's They are here for Thanksgiving. After a week of busy, busy, busy I have nothing on my calendar next week except Thanksgiving and that will be a mob scene. I hear there are 26 people coming to dinner.
Last night was the Stated Meeting and Election of Officers for Specialis Procer Lodge #678. Following the meeting (which was over in one hour) 7 of us (as is our custom) went out to supper.
We were going to a place in the East Village but the Village was having a special celebration and was full of people. So we went to the restaurant in the Embassy Suites. It was not busy and we were able to have a great meal and (best of all) Masonic Conversation.
When we started this Lodge the original concept was just a group who would go out to dinner and discuss things Masonic. To often there is no discussion. No give and take on Masonic subjets. The idea behind this Lodge is that Education will not be just listening to papers or short things put out by the Grand Lodge designed to fit in between the important (?) business of paying bills and reading minutes. And doing so in the Festive Board situation where we sit around the table and can have a free flow of ideas was one of the fundamental reasons we started this Lodge.
Last evening was one of the best examples of what this Lodge is all about that I can remember. Good food, good brothers (all could not come) and best of all good conversation about things Masonic. Very satisfying. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, j
IndianWantingCoffee: An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up.
Disappear for rest of day."
Subject: A cowboy named Bud
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Texaswhen suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility inHamburg , Germany..
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few
minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows,
for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. .
I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.."
The young guy says, "That's OK. And what a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.
So, I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, green eyes, long legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
Most old guys are helpful like that.
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food.
She picked up four cans and took them to the check-out counter.
The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat, and the management wants proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store. They sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy two cans of dog food. Again the cashier said "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you dog food without proof that you have a dog. A lot of old people buy dog food to eat, but the management wants proof that you are buying the dog food for your dog."
So she went home and brought in her dog. She then was able to buy the dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole.
The cashier said, "No, you might have a snake or a spider in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out. She said to the little old lady, "Oooooh! That smells like poop."
The little old lady said, "It is. I want to buy three rolls of toilet paper."
So........... Don't mess with old people!!!
After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her slowly...then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H.... I, J, K."
She asks..... "What does that mean?" He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and Hot.
She smiled happily and said...."Oh, that's so lovely..... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
His eye is still swollen.... but it will get better....
The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams...I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night...
Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this..)
" What's for dinner, Zorro?"
I did not know this... When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure. When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure. When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems. When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.