Friday, July 31, 2015
A man went to a psychiatrist for his phobia.
"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink, "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said the man.
Six months later the doctor met the man on the street.
"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?""He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints.
I hate elevators! They just drive me up the wall!
Buzz Lightyear was following a Japanese luxury car on the highway. When he pulled around to pass, he shouted, "To Infiniti and beyond."
I tried asking my dentist out but she brushed me off. Don't worry it was her floss.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Don't worry about old age - - it doesn't last! Don't believe what you hear about fleas and ticks -- it's all lice.
Velcro - what a rip off!
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Broken pencils are pointless.
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Jimmy shares his thoughts on the Minnesota dentist who illegally killed a lion who was a local favorite in Zimbabwe. If you’d like to donate to the wildlife preservation group who had previously been keeping track of the lion, please visit http://www.wildcru.org/
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Two Tales today. First a heart-warming tale about
Mkombozi, the dog that rescued a baby
Back in 2005, when Mkombozi (she received her name later and is called Muk for short) heard a human baby crying in a garbage dump, she recognized the sound and knew right away that it was a baby. The mom of the family that took care of Muk had had several babies, and that’s what they sounded like. Muk sniffed around and found the baby wrapped in some old clothes. She picked up the ties of the bundle in her mouth, and headed back, with the baby, across the busy Ngong Road, in Nairobi, Kenya. Weaving her way through the fast-moving traffic, miraculously, she arrived at the other side. Later a neighbor recalled watching her carrying the bundle and wondering what she could possibly have found. Muk went back to the house where her family lived, and set the bundle down gently at the feet of the children playing in front of the house. The children called their mom, who picked up the newborn, and called the police.
Click on to the story to read the rest of the story. I first saw in on a Facebook post. As usual on Facebook I was a sceptic but I did a little digging and found that it was true and better than just the Facebook story.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Click here to read the rest of the story.
As I went walking I saw a sign there
And on the sign it said "No Trespassing."
But on the other side it didn't say nothing,
That side was made for you and me.
In the shadow of the steeple I saw my people,
By the relief office I seen my people;
As they stood there hungry, I stood there asking
Is this land made for you and me?
Nobody living can ever stop me,
As I go walking that freedom highway;
Nobody living can ever make me turn back
This land was made for you and me.
We have a new friend. Andrew's girlfriend came for a visit.
B G said the place was a mess but I told him is always so why worry? He said his grandmother used to say people could like it or lump it.
She didn't seem to mind and we all had a nice visit. B G was even nice (for a change)
She is on Facebook and she asked to be Friends for B G and he was glad that she did.
It is nice to have friends.
It has been hot so we are sitting around a lot of the time. In the evening and morning it is nice (some of the time) but we are grateful for B G's air conditioner.
When B G sees that it time for him to let me out. Sometimes I have to use my magic mental powers to get him to move because he spends a lot looking at Facebook and his blogs and of course he has books to read.
I have to work really hard to get him to see me.
And we went right out and then came back right in. B G found a new flower in our "garden" He did not take a good picture of it.
Then it was right back in...
And we sometimes curl up in the kitchen.
Cassie thinks we are nuts.
I also make sure B G has lots of good treats for us.
We keep them in a tupper box.
Then we looked at him again and this time he made us trick for him.
B G says that he is going to have to get a "duster" (whatever that is) because Sadie sheds all the time. Cassie spends most of her time in this position.
Thanks coming by. Have a nice week.