Saturday, February 28, 2009

Presented without comment


Muskrat and Impulsive Eagle

I went for a drive north of Boone about ten miles to a nice little marsh and wetland area, populated by lots of muskrat huts...and the critters themselves I assume. I saw what looked like a rock on the ice, but it moved! Sure enough it was one of those critters that DOES look like a giant rat, complete with the round and pointed rat tail (as in rat tail file!!) So while I was capturing a photo of this fella nibbling on some kind of food (maybe a clam...could not tell for sure), a lovely bald eagle swooped all around the frozen pond and came in for a perfect landing on the ice! I had not planned on sending Jay any more eagle photos for fear of "eagle saturation," but since these turned out quite well, I just could not keep them locked up in a file folder. I hope you can enjoy them.

Birthday Lunch

Kurt (above) came up to Ames to help celebrate Trevor's 21st Birthday which was today.
Trevor lives in New York City where he is attending school. He came back to see his girl friend and some of his brothers. It was great to see him.
Kurt met us at the Cafe where we had a great lunch at the bar (the restaurant was full) and it was great to catch up.
Masonry is inter generational. I have friends in Lodge who run the gambit of age. I hang out with some guys in their 20's, 30's 40's etc all the way up to 90' and we meet on the level. It is one of the many things I really love about Freemasonry. When I got home I found a tin or almonds and a bottle of wine on my chair. Kurt had dropped it off for me. It was really nice of him but if that sort of thing is going to happen again I suppose I must keep the house a little cleaner. It is a mess. Oh well! Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, J

"These are Democrat Panties"

Stolen from Madpriest

Our First "Second"

Specialis Procer Lodge Under Dispensation met last night for the purpose of conferring a second degree on our new Brother. He has now become a Fellow of the Craft. In order for our Lodge to obtain a Charter we must do certain things. One of those is do demonstrate that we can put on the three degrees of Masonry. To that end we are taking our Candidate through the degrees.
In the degree of Fellowcraft the Brother is taken through a corridor and then up a symbolic flight of steps consisting of three, five and seven steps. While going along this path he is given a lecture which describes among other things his journey through life and the use of the orders of architecture and the seven liberal arts and sciences. He is then taken to a place representing the Middle Chamber of King Solomon's Temple (after passing two guards) where he receives the wages of a Fellowcraft and listens to a lecture describing the use of the letter G as displayed over the Master's Chair in every regular lodge. The lecture is not ritual but is what we call "monitorial" and it will vary depending on the person who gives it. Specialis Procer is very fortunate in having Ron Lindhart as one of our members for he does indeed give a magnificent lecture.

Brother Ron did double duty last evening as he also presented a paper on the Knights Templar and the story of how they met their end. He updated it to include the recent finding in the Vatican's secret archives of a document which absolved them of all wrong doing.
However before that we had a "social" hour and a delicious catered banquet with salad, beef, salmon, the usual trimmings and for those who wanted a nice Cabernet Sauvignon from the 14 Hands Winery. (Not your usual rubber chicken Masonic fare.)

Brother Kurt (on the left) described our evening on his blog and I have linked to it here. In it he says in part:

There is a certain smell to lodge, I don't know what it is, but every lodge I go to, as soon as the SW's column is raised, that smell is present. It's relaxing. I know that brothers Jay and Jason know the word for that feeling or smell, but I call it relaxation and comfort.

I love lodge, I love how we operate, we are truly becoming a brotherhood, not just friends.

Egregore is the word he is looking for. I find it interesting that he experiences it as a "smell" - for me it is a wonderful feeling of well-being when I am with these brothers. It is absolutely one of the best evenings of the month when I am with the "noble friends" of Specialis Procer Lodge, U. D. Thanks for stopping by. j

Friday, February 27, 2009


As always click on the button to see the guidelines.
And don't forget to go to Raven's Nest to see all the others.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: Netflix, mortgage, skunk, flagrant, the New York Times, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, perpendicular, geometry, crabby, shoveling snow

Mini Challenge: pragmatic, crystal ball, laundry, safflower oil, Gregorian chants

"Honestly I do not understand a word of where this conversation is going," said Sallyie. "I think I will check the mailbox to see if the next DVD from Netflix is here yet. I got an e-mail saying it was on the way. "

"Oh good" said Saydie, "perhaps the mortgage bill will be here soon, it needs to be paid. I am going to take a bath now I am beginning to smell like a skunk Have you seen the New York Times Book magazine? They had a review of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy in it that I want to read."

LaGi looked over at the girls and said, "You know it is a flagrant violation of the house rules to read while soaking in a tub. The Kindle may drop in the water and that would be $400 down the tubes."

"Oh LaGi, Phrog dropped the Kindle in the toilet last week. Now we have to read everything on paper. We have to remain perpendicular while doing so or the geometry, professor will get crabby again and make us spend our days shoveling snow."

Well we must be pragmatic, about it. Phrog was ill after all. Perhaps it is covered by insurance? Anyway I would need a crystal ball to find it in this mess. Why don't you go do the laundry and get the place cleaned up a little bit. I must find my safflower oil as my skin is getting dry. Oh yes, By the way we have to schedule a group to come in and practice the Gregorian chants for our rally for my election as Chief Salamander. Anybody seen Phrog?"

I will put up next weeks words when Raven gets them out. I have to do this early because I am off to a meeting today. Anybody tired of this story?

Next Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: chopping block, reading list, bangles, oracle, plan, fandango, spelling bee, calendar, utilitarian, flower pot

Mini Challenge: Siberia, citrus fruit, roofer, shamrock, twinkle twinkle little star

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Found For Friday


A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute,
cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them_and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears,
She is quite impressed by his sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him._
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while, she finds herself thinking,
'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'
She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips
He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well, how was it?'

The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:

'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf'

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, "My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: "What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, "My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it!"

Top 10 Complaints from Dogs

'1' Blaming your farts on me..... not funny... not funny at all !!!

'2' Yelling at me for barking. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG

---------------- ----------------------------------
'3' Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

'4' Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it!

'5' Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

'6' The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo. What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

'7' Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

'8' Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

------------- -------------------------------------
'9' Dog sweaters. Hello ??? Haven't you noticed the fur?

'10' How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?


Retirement as a Wal-Mart Greeter

Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, I have become a little less sensitive.
So, after trying my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, last weekend (a good find for many retirees), I lasted less than a day......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, coyote ugly, nasty woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly, nasty woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'
So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am. I just find it hard to believe you got laid twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My 25 year old supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work........ soooo maybe I'll go fishing.


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning

Uphill.... Barefoot... BOTH ways !

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone. And it may not have been a cassette, either. It may have been one of those eight-track deals. Cause that's how we rolled dog.

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

The over 30 Crowd

FRIENDS: Never ask for food. IOWA FRIENDS: Always bring the food.
FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'. IOWA FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.
FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs. IOWA FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. IOWA FRIENDS: Cry with you.
FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave. IOWA FRIENDS:
Will spend hours there, talking, laughing, and just being together.
FRIENDS: Know a few things about you. IOWA FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
IOWA FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that left you.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your door. IOWA FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home!' FRIENDS: will visit you in jail IOWA FRIENDS: will spend the night in jail with you ??? FRIENDS: will visit you in the hospital when you're sick
IOWA FRIENDS: will cut your grass and clean your house then come spend the night with you in the hospital and cook for you when you come home
FRIENDS: have you on speed dial IOWA FRIENDS: have your number memorized
FRIENDS: Are for a while. IOWA FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Might ignore this. IOWA FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their Iowa Friends
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"

The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'. He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?"

She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires."
- - - -

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear perfectly. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

I like to Babble

The picture is just one I took last spring and it is to remind us that in a couple of months it will be warm and green again and we can smell the flowers. Enjoy

Thursday was just another day here in the land between the Squaw and the Skunk. Except that I had to get dressed before noon and go out to see the doctor and pee in a cup. I really do love my doctor. You see several years ago he saved my life. Over several years I had some really bad habits as far as eating and drinking things like real coke and orange juice. I had quit smoking twice and had gained an enormous amount of weight. I had a 60 inch waist at one time. Yes I did. I did not go to doctors except when I had to go for the every three year school physical.

To make a long story somewhat shorter my sister was in a really bad car accident and I was driving back and forth from Des Moines to see her, teaching school full time and taking care of a lot of things. I got sick. You know how the caregiver doesn't take care of himself? That was me. I developed an infection in my leg and it got bigger and bigger and I ignored it. I had to purchase a new home so my sister who wound up in a wheelchair could live with me and have it made handicapped accessible. (Little did I know that I would wind up needing the modifications) - I signed the papers and wound up really sick. My cousin took me to the hospital and it turned out that I went in with a 600 blood sugar and flesh-eating bacteria which had to be cut out.

Anyway Peter (my doctor) got me the right help, oversaw everything and he and the other doctors saved my life. I was in the hospital with a leg wound where they cut out the bacteria. Now I have a scar that runs from groin to knee and another one on my calf. Dr. Hardy was my surgeon and he was the kindest gentlest man ever. As he would debrede the would I would jerk and he would say "sorry" - it really bothered him.

I took early retirement and the next year I wound up back in the hospital with an ankle fusion operation. Since that time I have lost a lot of weight (still need to lose more) - But my diabetes is pretty much under control now. I do not have to take any meds for it and I really watch what I eat and my blood sugars are pretty good. But I still go to see my doctor a couple of times a year just because he wants me to and because he is the nicest guy around.

Then tonight it was Lodge night and we initiated two new members into Arcadia Lodge. Really nice guys and the degrees were well done. I got to give the long Apron Lecture and I only left out two lines (I have only done it perfect once in my life) - Rusty came up and gave the Third Section slide lecture and did an outstanding job and Marty had beef burgers after the meeting. It was a wonderful evening and day. Tomorrow will also be a great day as will Saturday. I am so very fortunate to belong to two great lodges with brothers I enjoy and am very grateful for. Tomorrow night we do a second degree at Specialis Procer and will have a catered meal following the meeting. Trevor is coming this week-end and we are having lunch with him on Saturday. Life is good. I hope things are going well for you and thanks for stopping by. ARTYAL. Hugs, j

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Quote for Today

"I'm sure the increasingly idiotic governor of Louisiana would favor federal spending to keep the levees strong in New Orleans. But, in the typical selfish Republican way, Jindal thinks spending is only proper if it is lavished on special interests that affect his narrow orbit."

Royce Pollard, the mayor of Vancouver, Washington,


This is the last posting of eagle photos for the year unless something really dramatic gets captured by my lens. It seems most of the eagles recognize me by now...and no longer care as much as they did earlier!! In the first image the eagle is looking back over his shoulder for a swimming snack. In the second and third images a fish is in the talons and they are headed for a tree. The last image was fun to shoot as the crow and the eagle had a staring contest for a short while! I can imagine the eagle saying....."WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT......I AM THE EAGLE, AND YOU ARE NOTHING TO CROW ABOUT!"

Presented without comment

Click to enlarge


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense, lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense, lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense, lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense, took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense, finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense, was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

H/T Jan G.

Same Old Same Old

Rachael Maddow on the Jindel Response - She nails it.

And I add this quote which has nothing whatsoever to do with the video but which I just found in a post on Firedoglake about Rick Santelli

...the most common thing in "the Village" are the idiots.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009


And if we do – if we come together and lift this nation from the depths of this crisis; if we put our people back to work and restart the engine of our prosperity; if we confront without fear the challenges of our time and summon that enduring spirit of an America that does not quit, then someday years from now our children can tell their children that this was the time when we performed, in the words that are carved into this very chamber, “something worthy to be remembered.” Thank you, God Bless you, and may God Bless the United States of
You can read a transcript of the speech at AmericaBlog Here.

I am not always pleased with everything that President Obama has done but - he brought tears to my eyes again tonight. When he walked into the room.....embraced Justice Ginsberg ... recognized his wife...Presented me with a speech that did not insult me or my intelligence and replenished my hope and my spirit. I loved it when he introduced these remarks in the speech:
I think about Leonard Abess, the bank president from Miami who reportedly cashed out of his company, took a $60 million bonus, and gave it out to all 399 people who worked for him, plus another 72 who used to work for him. He didn’t tell anyone, but when the local newspaper found out, he simply said, ''I knew some of these people since I was 7 years old. I didn't feel right getting the money myself.”

I think about Greensburg, Kansas, a town that was completely destroyed by a tornado, but is being rebuilt by its residents as a global example of how clean energy can power an entire community – how it can bring jobs and businesses to a place where piles of bricks and rubble once lay. “The tragedy was terrible,” said one of the men who helped them rebuild. “But the folks here know that it also provided an incredible opportunity.”

And I think about Ty’Sheoma Bethea, the young girl from that school I visited in Dillon, South Carolina – a place where the ceilings leak, the paint peels off the walls, and they have to stop teaching six times a day because the train barrels by their classroom. She has been told that her school is hopeless, but the other day after class she went to the public library and typed up a letter to the people sitting in this room. She even asked her principal for the money to buy a stamp. The letter asks us for help, and says, “We are just students trying to become lawyers, doctors, congressmen like yourself and one day president, so we can make a change to not just the state of South Carolina but also the world. We are not quitters.”
So the other comment that I have to make is that as I looked at the faces of the Republicans in the audience I saw faces that offer no hope and who are listening to Obama the same way I listened to Bush. Mr. Obama is not about to pander to the wealthy.
He said:
Those of us gathered here tonight have been called to govern in extraordinary times. It is a tremendous burden, but also a great privilege – one that has been entrusted to few generations of Americans. For in our hands lies the ability to shape our world for good or for ill.
Now, let us see what happens.

Shrove Tuesday

Mardi Gras
(Also known as Shrove Tuesday or Fat Tuesday)

Costumed musicians, New Orleans
Official name Mardi Gras (French: "Fat Tuesday")
Also called Shrove Tuesday, Fat Tuesday, Pancake Day, Dollar day
Type Local, cultural, Catholic
Significance Celebration prior to fasting season of Lent.
Date Day before Ash Wednesday
2009 date February 24
The terms "Mardi Gras" (mär`dē grä) and "Mardi Gras season",in English, refer to events of the Carnival celebrations, ending on the day before Ash Wednesday. From the French term "Mardi Gras" (literally "Fat Tuesday"), the term has come to mean the whole period of activity related to those events, beyond just the single day, often called Mardi Gras Day or Fat Tuesday.

That is the Mayor of New Orleans dressed as a gladiator for the parade. Mardi Gras is something I have always wanted to attend. I suppose it is enough that I have been to New Orleans twice. I love the city and the music. We still need to rebuild it.

Found this video - Mardi Gras 1941 - I was born the following November. Enjoy!

Gore Vidal

Gore Vidal at Key West. I can't embed it but you can go here to watch it.

Quote for Today

Everyone wants to live at the expense of the state.
They forget that the state lives at the expense of everyone.

-- Frederic Bastiat
Thanks, Sam

More Pictures from Jeremy's Reception

Pictures taken by R.W. Bill Crawford, Grand Secretary.

Prince Rupert's Drops

I found these two little video's very interesting. I hope you will also. Just out of curiosity. Have you ever heard of these "drops" before? I had not. Finding out new things every day.

You can read about Prince Rupert's Drop here.

H/T Don M

Monday, February 23, 2009


Kyra Sedgwick is the star of The Closer. It is probably my favorite TV show right now. It has not gotten "old" or formulaic.

Ms Sedgwick (married to Kevin Bacon) plays a deputy chief of detectives who "closes" the cases.
She is a consummate actress. She can do more acting with a tiny little look or twist of her mouth than most actresses. Obviously I am nuts about her.

There is a lot of "stuff" on TV that I don't really watch. I love some of the Brit coms. especially "Keeping Up Appearances" I also try to never miss Nature. This PBS series takes me to places and allows me to see things which I would never see otherwise. This week it was about wolves in Yellowstone National Park.

Actually the older shows have just left me. They aren't fresh anymore. I do like NCIS as I feel it has maintained its freshness. I kind of enjoy Two and a Half Men and How I met your Mother but don't cry if I miss them. Cold Case is still pretty good. But by and large I could care less about most of what is on TV.

Currently my favorite thing on TV is a commercial for T-Mobile. The woman who tells her husband that she signed up for a new phone plan. It is the one where she tells him -"We've had 11 bulldogs all named Steve." after he says something about hating commitment. When he says "I love you, and this time I mean it." I chuckle about it every time. I have seen it 5 times tonight and am still tickled by it.

I always watch - General Hospital (Mom got me hooked) - David Letterman and Craig Ferguson (My favorite) and the Daily Show (Got to get the news somewhere.) the Colbert Report is another favorite.

Obviously I did not have much to Blog about today. That is because all I did was laundry and clean my closet (a very messy place) and petted Bailey because he had his feelings hurt. Jon came over and took Max for a walk (and brought him back muddy) and that was it, My friend Kurt started his new job and we cancelled our trip to Missouri but that is OK because Brother Trevor is coming in from New York City and we are going to have lunch with him on Saturday. I am currently reading two books and am exited to read Family of Secrets. Gore Vidal talked about it so I wanted to read it. I went down to Borders and picked it up.

Currently Tribes by Seth Godin is the one I find the most interesting. It is about Leadership.
Well that is enough to let you know I am still on the planet. Thanks for stopping by. ARTYAL. Hugs, j

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Live Blogging The Oscars

The Oscars

Well, I just watched Barbar's Special and now am putting up with the Red Carpet 1/2 hour. Thankfully it is only a short show.
Meryl Streep is a goddess!

I missed part of Barbar's show but I have a new respect for Mickey Rorke and Hugh Jackman. Both of their stories brought tears to my eyes.

So I have a list below and will color the winners as we go along. I have picked some and will bold them now. (before the show) - We will see how my predictions go.

Miss Cassie is in her place resting on my left arm and purring. Bailey and Max are sleeping. They could care less.

It is a beautiful set and the band is on stage and from what I heard the music should be awesome.

Hugh Jackman is an incredible talent. His opening number was a lot of fun.

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
• Amy Adams in “Doubt” (Miramax)
* Penélope Cruz in “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” (The Weinstein Company)
* Viola Davis in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• * Taraji P. Henson in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• * Marisa Tomei in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)

Original screenplay
• “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics), Written by Courtney Hunt_
• * “Happy-Go-Lucky” (Miramax), Written by Mike Leigh_
• * “In Bruges” (Focus Features), Written by Martin McDonagh_
• * “Milk” (Focus Features), Written by Dustin Lance Black_
• * “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, Original story by Andrew Stanton, Pete Docter

Adapted screenplay
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Screenplay by Eric Roth, Screen story by Eric Roth and Robin Swicord_
• * “Doubt” (Miramax), Written by John Patrick Shanley_
• * “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Screenplay by Peter Morgan_
• * “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Screenplay by David Hare_
• * “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Screenplay by Simon Beaufoy

I didn't pick either of them but am not unhappy with the winners. I saw both films and was pleased with them.

Best animated feature film of the year
• “Bolt” (Walt Disney), Chris Williams and Byron Howard
• * “Kung Fu Panda” (DreamWorks Animation, Distributed by Paramount), John Stevenson and Mark Osborne
• * “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Andrew Stanton

I didn't see any of these but Jon liked Wall-E so I am picking it based on his recommendation.

Animated short film


Art Direction

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Costume Design

The Duchess
This was a beautiful picture and the costumes were perfect. They did not intrude but added to the story and the designer was very talented.

Make- Up

The Curious Case of Benjaman Button


Slumdog Millionaire

Ok, They are already airing way too many commercials. These shows go on and on. I still watch them. I like the glamor, etc.

Bailey has decided to climb up higher to watch the show.

Best Short Film (Live Action)
Jochen Alexander Freydank

They just did a salute to the Musical which brought the audience to their feet. Hugh and Beyonce. WOW!

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
• Josh Brolin in “Milk” (Focus Feature)
• * Robert Downey Jr. in “Tropic Thunder” (DreamWorks, Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
• * Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Doubt” (Miramax)
• * Heath Ledger in “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.)
• * Michael Shannon in “Revolutionary Road” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount Vantage)

I could just as easily gone with Philip Seymour Hoffman as he was wonderful in Doubt.
What a wonderful thing to see the emotions on the actors and actresses faces who watched his parents and his sister accept this award for this talented actor who has been taken fromus way to early, Lots of tears welling up.

Best documentary feature
• “The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)” (Cinema Guild), A Pandinlao Films Production, Ellen Kuras and Thavisouk Phrasavath_
• * “Encounters at the End of the World” (THINKFilm and Image Entertainment), A Creative Differences Production, Werner Herzog and Henry Kaiser_
• * “The Garden” A Black Valley Films Production, Scott Hamilton Kennedy_
• * “Man on Wire” (Magnolia Pictures), A Wall to Wall in association with Red Box Films Production, James Marsh and Simon Chinn_
• * “Trouble the Water” (Zeitgeist Films), An Elsewhere Films Production, Tia Lessin and Carl Deal

Best documentary short subject
• “The Conscience of Nhem En” A Farallon Films Production, Steven Okazaki_
• * “The Final Inch” Vermilion Films in association with, Irene Taylor Brodsky and Tom Grant_
• * “Smile Pinki” A Principe Production, Megan Mylan_
• * “The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306” A Rock Paper Scissors Production, Adam Pertofsky and Margaret Hyde

Visual Effects
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Sound Editing'

The Dark Knight

It is now 9:30 PM. The race is on to finish.

Sound Mixing

Slumdog Millionaire

Achievement in film editing
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall_
• * “The Dark Knight” (Warner Bros.), Lee Smith_
• * “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Mike Hill and Dan Hanley_
• * “Milk” (Focus Features), Elliot Graham_
• * “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Chris Dickens

"This year, the under-appreciated comic genius Jerry Lewis will receive the Academy’s Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for his tireless work for Muscular Dystrophy over the years. Lewis tells Entertainment Weekly that he is honored, but that it is bittersweet because the Academy is recognizing his service and not his film performances. ”Because they didn’t think enough of my work. Because what I did didn’t command consideration because it’s slapstick, because it’s lowbrow, because the Academy’s always been cautious about comedy.”
He has raised over 2 Billion dollars for his "kids" His telethon has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I know there are protests about this but not from me. He should have been honored long before this.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), Alexandre Desplat_
• * “Defiance” (Paramount Vantage), James Newton Howard_
• * “Milk” (Focus Features), Danny Elfman_
* “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A.R. Rahman_
• * “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Thomas Newman

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
• “Down to Earth” from “WALL-E” (Walt Disney), Music by Peter Gabriel and Thomas Newman, Lyric by Peter Gabriel_
* “Jai Ho” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music by A.R. Rahman, Lyric by Gulzar_
• * “O Saya” from “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Music and Lyric by A.R. Rahman and Maya Arulpragasam

Best foreign language film of the year
• “The Baader Meinhof Complex” A Constantin Film Production, Germany_
• * “The Class” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Haut et Court Production, France_
• * “Departures” (Regent Releasing), A Departures Film Partners Production, Japan_
• * “Revanche” (Janus Films), A Prisma Film/Fernseh Production, Austria_
• * “Waltz with Bashir” (Sony Pictures Classics), A Bridgit Folman Film Gang Production, Israel

Achievement in directing
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), David Fincher_
• * “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), Ron Howard_
* “Milk” (Focus Features), Gus Van Sant_
• * “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), Stephen Daldry_
• * “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), Danny Boyle

I am still in love with Sophia. And the others ain't to bad either.

Performance by an actress in a leading role
• Anne Hathaway in “Rachel Getting Married” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• * Angelina Jolie in “Changeling” (Universal)
• * Melissa Leo in “Frozen River” (Sony Pictures Classics)
• * Meryl Streep in “Doubt” (Miramax)
* Kate Winslet in “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company)

Performance by an actor in a leading role
• Richard Jenkins in “The Visitor” (Overture Films)
• * Frank Langella in “Frost/Nixon” (Universal)
• * Sean Penn in “Milk” (Focus Features)
• * Brad Pitt in “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.)
• * Mickey Rourke in “The Wrestler” (Fox Searchlight)
I really thought that Mickey Rourke would get it because it is such a great story of a comeback. That said. I saw Milk and it was a moving film just as Penn's acceptance speech was moving.

Best motion picture of the year
• “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” (Paramount and Warner Bros.), A Kennedy/Marshall Production, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall and Ceán Chaffin, Producers_
• * “Frost/Nixon” (Universal), A Universal Pictures, Imagine Entertainment and Working Title Production, Brian Grazer, Ron Howard and Eric Fellner, Producers_
• * “Milk” (Focus Features), A Groundswell and Jinks/Cohen Company Production, Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, Producers_
• * “The Reader” (The Weinstein Company), A Mirage Enterprises and Neunte Babelsberg Film GmbH Production, Anthony Minghella, Sydney Pollack, Donna Gigliotti and Redmond Morris, Producers_
* “Slumdog Millionaire” (Fox Searchlight), A Celador Films Production, Christian Colson, Producer

Slumdog won 8 awards. It was a wonderfuly done movie. It is not 11:00 so I guess that it was a pretty good show. I enjoyed it. Now I have to go to see some movies. Thanks for stopping by. ARTYAL. Hugs, j

Quote for Today

America's Elite - Wrong 24/7

The elite, blinded by the light of their own certainty, are the least equipped to lead. Theirs is the art of the courtier, not the science of the laboratory. We need experts, but we need a multiplicity of minds and voices engaged with the experts. Knowledge of ourselves is and always will be uncertain. The denial of uncertainty is a most dangerous thing.

Glenn W. Smith

Don't Blame Me - Blame Ginny

Subject: Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 200 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read:'California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Des Moines Register, a local newspaper in Iowa, reported the following: After digging as deep as 300 feet in his flower garden in Storm Lake, Iowa, Jack Kooker, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Jack has, therefore, concluded that 300 years ago, Iowa had already gone wireless.

Who said Iowan's were dumb hicks?

Sunday Wisdom

From One Mountain, Many Paths
An American Freemason Speaks Out for Peace
by Dr. Patrick Swift
Click book or here to go to the page and buy it for yourself,

This week we find:

The whole of the law is for the purpose of promoting peace.

Now the Merciful Lord has issued His Command. Let no one chase after and attack anyone else. Let all abide in peace, under this Benevolent Rule.

Shri Guru Granth Sahib 5: 61.13

It would seem that the concept of peace is very simple. It isn't. Wikipedia says:

Peace is a term that most commonly refers to an absence of aggression, violence or hostility, but which also represents a larger concept wherein there are healthy or newly-healed interpersonal or international relationships, safety in matters of social or economic welfare, the acknowledgment of equality and fairness in political relationships and, in world matters, peacetime; a state of being absent any war or conflict. Reflection on the nature of peace is also bound up with considerations of the causes for its absence or loss. Among these potential causes are: insecurity, social injustice, economic inequality, political and religious radicalism, and acute nationalism.

Derived from the Anglo-Norman pas , and meaning "freedom from civil disorder", the English word came into use in various personal greetings from c.1300 as a translation of the biblical terms pax (from the Vulgate) and Greek eirene, which in turn were renderings of the Hebrew shalom. Shalom, cognate with the Arabic "salaam", has multiple meanings: safety, welfare, prosperity, security, fortune, friendliness. The personalised meaning is reflected in a non-violent lifestyle which also describes a relationship between any people characterized by respect, justice and goodwill. This latter understanding of peace can also pertain to an individual's sense of himself or herself, as to be "at peace" with one's own mind attested in Europe from c.1200. The early English term is also used in the sense of "quiet", reflecting a calm, serene, and meditative approach to the family or group relationships that avoids quarreling and seeks tranquility — an absence of disturbance or agitation.
As I said, it would seem to be a simple concept but there are so many things which can have an effect on either an individual's peace or the peace of the world. If we follow the teachings of the great religious masters and are secure in our relationship with God we can develop an inner peace. I have known some people who were at peace. It would seem that everything was all right in their world. But who can know if they had real peace? Who knows what thoughts went through their heads as they tried to fall asleep at night? Were they thoughts of peace or agitated thoughts about a relationship or the state of their finances?

I think peace is devoutly to be desired. I also think it is difficult to obtain. To work towards peace we should follow the injunction of Jesus and "fear not" as fear destroys peace. We need to bring ourselves into line with Deity and not worry about others and whether or not they follow the same path which we follow. They must bring themselves to peace just as we must find it ourselves.

I close with the The Threefold Blessing:
"The Lord bless you and keep you--the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you; the Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace." Numb. 6:24-26.

Have a wonderful, peaceful week. God Bless!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Two Birthdays on February 22

George is 277 years old. My mother's birthday is also February 22. She would have been 97. She died 13 years ago and I still miss her.

Remember that it is the actions, and not the commission, that make the officer, and that there is more expected from him, than the title.
GEORGE WASHINGTON, Address to the Officers of the Virginia Regiment, Jan. 8, 1756

Labour to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire, called conscience

GEORGE WASHINGTON, Rules of Behavior

Date of Birth: February 22, 1732
Be courteous to all but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence; true friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to appellation

GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter, Jan. 15, 1783
To contract new debts is not the way to pay old ones.
(I wonder what Brother Washington would have to say about the economy today?)
GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to James Welch, Apr. 7, 1799
Every post is honorable in which a man can serve his country

GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to Benedict Arnold, Sep. 14, 1775
Mankind, when left to themselves, are unfit for their own government.

GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter, Oct. 31, 1786

Let your heart feel for the afflictions and distresses of every one, and let your hand give in proportion to your purse; remembering always the estimation of the widow's mite, but, that it is not every one who asketh that deserveth charity; all, however, are worthy of the inquiry, or the deserving may suffer.

GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to Bushrod Washington, Jan. 15, 1783

Do not conceive that fine clothes make fine men any more than fine feathers make fine birds.

GEORGE WASHINGTON, letter to Bushrod Washington, Jan. 15, 1783

Grand Lodge Reception.

Jeremy Davis was last year's Master of Arcadia Lodge. He was installed at Senior Grand Deacon of the Grand Lodge last September. The Lodge held a reception for him today. It was a great day with almost all of the Grand Officers in attendance. Below are some pictures of the event and a movie of his reception into the Lodge. Enjoy.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Big Deck


As always click on the button to see the guidelines.
And don't forget to go to Raven's Nest to see all the others.

This Week's Ten Word Challenge : spring fever, coyote, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, birds of a feather, broken camera, artificial flavoring, cane, garage, ask and it is given, gay

Mini Challenge: glorious, sugar and spice, premature baldness, gargoyles, campaign trail

"Well" said Rachael, "I am going to go get something gay to wear. We are going on the campaign trail after all. Saydie, do you know where the key to the garage is. I want to get the Rolls ready for the trip. By the way have you seen my book on the Gargoyles, of Western Australia?"

Saydie picked up the book which had been lying right there on the coffee table and handed it to her saying ask and it is given."

LiGa was looking in the mirror. "Do you think I am suffering from premature baldness? He asked. "By the way has anyone seen my cane?"

"Say Honey," said Saydie," Have you any sugar and spice handy? I hate this artificial flavoring."

Phrog loooked around and said, "You know today is a glorious day. I wish I didn't have a broken camera. I would love to take some pictures."

Saydie said, "This kind of day gives me spring fever. Have you ever felt that way? I get it by reading about Charlie the coyote. You know he lives out in Wyoming with Shreve. I think they may have lived near where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid lived. You know there are a lot of crooks out there because birds of a feather always flock together.

Next Week's Ten Word Challenge will be: Netflix, mortgage, skunk, flagrant, the New York Times, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, perpendicular, geometry, crabby, shoveling snow

Mini Challenge: pragmatic, crystal ball, laundry, safflower oil, Gregorian chants

Quote of the Day

From Firedoglake
Rick Santelli is just the explosive Id of CNBC, saying what everyone else thinks. Somehow it's not the pervasive institutional rot, the criminal malfeasance at the highest levels, or the Chairman of the Federal Reserve telling Americans over and over again that housing prices would never go down. They have convinced themselves that the real problem is once again people at the absolute bottom of the economic scale. If they'd only used appropriate "judgment" and lived within their means, we'd all be fine.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Found for Friday

The Chinese Dinner
by Grandmère Mimi

A couple decides to go out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. After looking over the menu, they both decide to order Mandarin Duck, the chef's special.

A short time later, the waiter brings their meal on a covered dish. As the wife reaches for the lid, it rises up a few inches. She can see two little eyes looking out at her before the lid slams down.

Startled, she asks her husband if he had seen the eyes. Just then, the lid rises up again, revealing the same pair of eyes before slamming down again.

Perturbed, the couple calls over the waiter and explains what has happened.

"I solly," says the waiter, "I make mistake . I brought you Peeking Duck."

As a young piper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played_out my heart and soul.

As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I played, like I'd never played before, from My Home & The Lord is my Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest. I closed the lengthy session with Amazing Grace and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, 'Lard Jeezuz b'y, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.'
Subject: Amish Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ..

"Go get your mother..."

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.) : Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!'

by MadPriest

My name is Alice, and I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his D.D.S. diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Morgan Park High School.

"Yes. Yes, I did: I'm a Mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled faced, fat-assed, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked,

"What did you teach???"

I,__________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass ninth grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors interested in simply running up the bills.

If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:__Glass of wine_Chocolate_Margarita_Sex_Martini_Cold Beer_Chocolate_Chicken fried steak_Cream gravy_Sex_Mexican food_Chocolate_French fries_Chocolate_Pizza_Sex_Ice cream_Cup of tea_Chocolate_Sex_Chocolate.

It should be presumed that I won't ever get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, let the 'fat lady sing,' and call it a day!

Recently I was asked to play in a golf charity tournament.

At first I said, 'Naaahhh!'

Then they said to me 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind Kids.'

Then I thought...

Damn - I could win this!

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, 'This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.'_ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the ot her, _ _ _

then calls the boy over and asks, 'Which do you want, son?'__ The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar. __ 'What did I tell you?' said the barber. 'That kid never learns!'

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store & says ; 'Hey, son! May I ask you a question? _ _ _
Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?'_

The boy licked his cone and replied, _ _
'Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!

by Grandmère Mimi


I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

Except that one where you're naked in church.

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Welcome to Utah
Set your watch back 20 years.

In just two days from now,
tomorrow will be yesterday.

A bartender is just a pharmacist
with a limited inventory.

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore I am Perfect.

Dyslexics Have More Nuf.

In Memorium

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Sometimes I even put it in the food

Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln,
how was the play?

When you work here,
you can name your own salary.
I named mine, "Fred".

Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I am having an out-of-money experience.

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather,
not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

He was in my trunk when I got back from Tijuana.