Thanksgiving Day Instructions from Grandma.

Re:  Thanksgiving:   

Dear Family,

I’m not dead yet. Thanksgiving is still important to me. If being in my Last Will and Testament is important to you, then you might consider being with me for my favorite holiday.

Dinner is at 2:00.

NOT 2:15

NOT 2:05.

2:00.

Arrive late and you get what’s left over.

Last year, that moron Marshall fried a turkey in one of those contraptions and practically burned the deck off the house.  This year, the only peanut oil used to make the meal will be from the secret scoop of peanut butter I add to the carrot soup.

Jonathan, your last new wife was an idiot.  You don’t arrive at someone’s house on Thanksgiving needing to use the oven and the stove.  Honest to God, I thought you might have learned after two wives – date them longer and save us all the agony of another divorce.

Now, the house rules are slightly different this year, because I have decided that 47% of you don’t know how to take care of nice things.  Paper plates and red Solo cups might be bad for the environment, but I’ll be gone soon and that will be your problem to deal with.

House Rules:

1.    The University of Texas no longer plays Texas A&M.  The television stays off during the meal.

2.    The “no cans for kids” rule still exists.  We are using 2 liter bottles because your children still open a third can before finishing the first two. Parents can fill a child’s cup when it is empty.  All of the cups have names on them and I’ll be paying close attention to refills.

3.    Chloe, last year we were at Trudy’s house and I looked the other way when your Jell-O salad showed up.  This year, if Jell-O salad comes in the front door it will go right back out the back door with the garbage. Save yourself some time, honey.  You’ve never been a good cook and you shouldn’t bring something that wiggles more than you. Buy something from the bakery.

4.    Grandmothers give grandchildren cookies and candy.  That is a fact of life.  Your children can eat healthy at your home.  At my home, they can eat whatever they like as long as they finish it.

5.    I cook with bacon and bacon grease.  That’s nothing new.  Your being a vegetarian doesn’t change the fact that stuffing without bacon is like egg salad without eggs.  Even the green bean casserole has a little bacon grease in it.  That’s why it tastes so good.  Not eating bacon is just not natural.  And as far as being healthy. . . Look at me.  I’ve outlived almost everyone I know.

6.    Salad at Thanksgiving is a waste of space.

7.    I do not like cell phones.  Leave them in the car.

8.    I do not like video cameras.  There will be 32 people here.  I am sure you can capture lots of memories without the camera pointed at me.

9.    Being a mother means you have to actually pay attention to the kids.  I have nice things and I don’t put them away just because company is coming over.  Mary, watch your kids and I’ll watch my things.

10. Rhonda, a cat that requires a shot twice a day is a cat that has lived too many lives.  I think staying home to care for the cat is your way of letting me know that I have lived too many lives too.  I can live with that.  Can you?

11.Words mean things.  I say what I mean.  Let me repeat:  You don’t need to bring anything means you don’t need to bring anything.  And if I did tell you to bring something, bring it in the quantity I said.  Really, this doesn’t have to be difficult.

12.Dominos and cards are better than anything that requires a battery or an on/off switch.  That was true when you were kids and it’s true now that you have kids.

13.Showing up for Thanksgiving guarantees presents at Christmas.  Not showing up guarantees a card that may or may not be signed.

In memory of your Grandfather, the back fridge will be billed with beer.  Drink until it is gone.  I prefer wine anyway.  But one from each family needs to be the designated driver.  I really mean all of the above.

 Love You,

Grandma
HT/Ken Brickman

Gratitude - Thanksgiving

I am thankful for so many things - One of them is the Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee

For a piece on Thanksgiving from American's United click here.

THANKSGIVING DAY, 2011

November 24, 2011
A PROCLAMATION BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

     One of our Nation's oldest and most cherished traditions, Thanksgiving Day brings us closer to our loved ones and invites us to reflect on the blessings that enrich our lives.  The observance recalls the celebration of an autumn harvest centuries ago, when the Wampanoag tribe joined the Pilgrims at Plymouth Colony to share in the fruits of a bountiful season.  The feast honored the Wampanoag for generously extending their knowledge of local game and agriculture to the Pilgrims, and today we renew our gratitude to all American Indians and Alaska Natives.  We take this time to remember the ways that the First Americans have enriched our Nation's heritage, from their generosity centuries ago to the everyday contributions they make to all facets of American life.  As we come together with friends, family, and neighbors to celebrate, let us set aside our daily concerns and give thanks for the providence bestowed upon us.

     Though our traditions have evolved, the spirit of grace and humility at the heart of Thanksgiving has persisted through every chapter of our story.  When President George Washington proclaimed our country's first Thanksgiving, he praised a generous and knowing God for shepherding our young Republic through its uncertain beginnings.  Decades later, President Abraham Lincoln looked to the divine to protect those who had known the worst of civil war, and to restore the Nation "to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility, and union."

     In times of adversity and times of plenty, we have lifted our hearts by giving humble thanks for the blessings we have received and for those who bring meaning to our lives.  Today, let us offer gratitude to our men and women in uniform for their many sacrifices, and keep in our thoughts the families who save an empty seat at the table for a loved one stationed in harm's way.  And as members of our American family make do with less, let us rededicate ourselves to our friends and fellow citizens in need of a helping hand.

     As we gather in our communities and in our homes, around the table or near the hearth, we give thanks to each other and to God for the many kindnesses and comforts that grace our lives.  Let us pause to recount the simple gifts that sustain us, and resolve to pay them forward in the year to come.

     NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim Thursday, November 24, 2011, as a National Day of Thanksgiving.  I encourage the people of the United States to come together    whether in our homes, places of worship, community centers, or any place of fellowship for friends and neighbors    to give thanks for all we have received in the past year, to express appreciation to those whose lives enrich our own, and to share our bounty with others.

     IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this sixteenth day of November, in the year of our Lord two thousand eleven, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-sixth.

BARACK OBAMA