Friday, December 19, 2014

Found for Friday



There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

For Christmas last year I got given Sudoku toilet paper. It’s useless. You can only fill it in with number ones and number twos.


What do the royal family play at Christmas instead of musical chairs? Game of Thrones.


What did the Snowman say to the aggressive carrot? “Get out of my face.”


Why was Santa's little helper depressed? 
Because he had low elf esteem.


What do snowmen eat for breakfast? 
Ice Crispies.


How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing, it was on the house!



Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until until all the birds have gone south for the winter!


Why does Santa have 3 gardens? 
So he can ho-ho-ho.


What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas, Eve!"


An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were talking when they all noticed a $5 bill on the floor. Who picked it up?

Santa of course, the other two don't exist!



This Christmas, in lieu of gifts, I've decided to give everyone my opinion!


Q: What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
A: A puddle