A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve. The mall was packed.
Walking through the mall, the wife was surprised when she looked up and noticed that her husband was nowhere around. She was very upset because they had a lot to do.
So she used her cell phone to call her husband to ask him where he was.
Her husband in a calm voice, said, "Honey, remember the jewelry store we went into 5 years ago, where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford? And I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
His wife, crying, said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar next to it”.
Farmers have 'my grain' headaches.
A construction worker was injured in a terrible accident.
A power saw took off his entire left side.
He's all right now.
God created Adam before He created Eve so He wouldn't have someone telling Him how to create Adam.
What did the cannibal give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A box of Farmers' Fannies.
There are two types of people in the world:
Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
Waiting for her photos to be developed a young girl sang "some day my prints will come."
BIGAMIST: An Italian Fog
INNUENDO: Italian Suppository
SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official-!
SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does
This year I am making my wreath out of Franklin fir branches. I really like a wreath of franklin.
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
A bank manager without anyone around may find them self a-loan.
h/t JMK