A priest was walking down a neighborhood street when he spied a young boy struggling to reach the doorbell of a large house. He walked up the sidewalk, patted the young boy warmly on the shoulder, and pushed the doorbell. Smiling at the lad, he said, "Glad to be of service, my son." Whereupon the young boy replied, "Thanks, Mister. Now run like hell!"
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take the time to for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
When I am feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog that barks all the time to rain to his chin and gag himself.
If you can’t be kind, at least be have the decency to be vague.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The older you get, the tougher it makes to lose weight because your body and your fat are really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you can things go wrong, you have in someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
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