Found For Friday

David, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try.

On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret. "Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.

The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."

David thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.

The next day, David returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck. Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish. "Excuse me," asked David, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"

"Well, I can, but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."

"Hmm," thought David. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.

On the third day, David still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right.

David wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"

"No, I am a Rabbi." replied the man
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."

"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."

"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."

The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"

"Roof!"

"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"

"Bark!"

"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"

"Ruth!"

"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."

The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."

As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"
When Insults Had Class

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die onthe gallows or of some unspeakable disease.""That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace yourpolicies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.."- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


Two old guys talking:
One said to the other: " My 85th birthday was yesterday.
Wife gave me a SUV ".
Other guy: "Wow, that's amazing! Imagine, a SUV !!
What a great gift !"
First guy: "Yup. Socks, Underwear and Viagra."

Red Cross of Constantine - Troy Michigan

I am attending the Red Cross of Constantine United Grand Imperial Conclave in Troy Michigan. You can see a slideshow of the first evening dinner (indoor picnic) below. You can also click to go to the Picasa Web abbum to see them larger or download any you may want.

I got here about 1:00 PM after a nice drive and enjoyed the hotel bed. (That means I took a nap) Meetings start at 8:00 AM tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, j

Note From Jon

I got this from Jon. I am posting it without his permission but I have asked. If he says not I will delete it. (Permission granted)

Spain rocks. La playa es muy bueno. Mucho la chicas. Es carro aqui.(expensive) There are only 8 working computers out of 30 in the foreign student computer lab, so this the first day I bothered to wait an hour to use the computer. Anyway. The host family speaks less English then I speak Spanish, but I learned how to say Como se dice? and Que significa? So now they are teaching me as much Spanish as the actual teacher for my spanish class. I had to drop down to 195. After the second day of 295 she said not to speak in English in class anymore, but the only things I understood were the things the others explained to me in English, so oh well. The host father has made a game of quizzing me on the name of objects in the house. Yesterday he waved a spoon in my face and said.¨ Que es?¨ I said ¨cu...cucharo¨. He said Bueno. Bueno. Si no. (Wave to hit me with it.) Then he, Spencer and I laughed.

Oh Spencer is my roommate. He knows about as much Spanish as me which es muy pequeno.

Anyway. I´m walking so much I got a blister on my heal. Walking in Utah for a week didn´t even do that to me. I´ve become an expert at using the subway and tram, and am getting better at using the bus system.

I could bable about what I´ve been doing, but I got better things to do. Adios.

Driving to Michigan

I got to sleep until 7:00 AM which was a good thing because I was up until midnight packing and getting the house ready for me to be gone. The dogs are barricaded in the kitchen and a friend is coming in Wed through Fri and Craig will be there on Saturday and Sunday. It is really nice to have people you can depend on. I don't think they had a clue as to what was happening. Ginny and Bruce were going to go through the things that Ginny has stored in the garage and I guess they got some work done. It will be nice to have the place cleaned up. I am not very good at it. I can step over lots of things.






It was a perfect day to drive Interstate 80. The clouds kept the sun off so the car was comfortable and it drove like a charm. The traffic was moderate. Not a bad day at all. I always like driving across the Mississippi River and the hills of Iowa were beautiful. I had forgotten how flat Illinois was. By the way you can click on any of the pictures to enlarge them

I made it as far as Benton Harbor and it is a very confusing town to drive. I got lost more than I found my way. But no matter I checked into the Courtyard and it has free Internet for one day and they directed me to a nice place to eat. It was supposed to have a nice view of the lake but it was not to be as I was seated in a poor place to view but the food and service was excellent. The town where the restaurant is was actually St. Joseph and they have painted dogs all over the place. This is the one outside the restaurant.

Above is the view outside which would have been nice to see but the tables there were for four and I was alone. It did not matter, I had a very nice young man for an intern server and the boss lady was nice also, I heard him tell someone that he had graduated three days ago. He is going to a small Christian College in the fall, He said there were a lot of people from Newton who had moved here.

That is him waiting on some other folks.

They recommended the Perch and so I got it and some Lobster Bisque soup. It was wonderful.

This fountain was just down the street.

This is one of the homes along the Lake Shore Drive. Would be nice to have it. Their view is below.

So that catches you up. I am really enjoying being gone. I miss the Boys and Cassie but I needed the change. Thanks for stopping by. Hugs, j

Dogs and Cats Gone Wild

No time to blog. Still packing. but I found this to share - It is a hoot.

And there is a Puppy Mill legislation introduced in Congress. Go here to read about it.

Special Video

Pit Bull in a Wheelchair Inspires and Comforts Kids with Disabilities

Don M sent me the link to this very special video about a Pit Bull (of course he is prejudiced because he owns one.) It will warm you heart.