Tom Swifties

"What is a Tom Swifty?" he asked ignorantly. Today's younger generation have never heard of these adverbial puns. To educate them I give you the following.

"Pass me the shellfish," said Tom crabbily.
"Can I go looking for the Grail again?" Tom requested.
"I unclogged the drain with a vacuum cleaner," Tom said succinctly.

A Tom Swifty (or Tom Swiftie) is a phrase in which a quoted sentence is linked by a pun to the manner in which it is attributed.

"I might as well be dead," Tom croaked.
"They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
"Who discovered radium?" asked Marie, curiously.

As the examples illustrate, the standard syntax is for the quoted sentence to be first, followed by the description of the act of speaking. The hypothetical speaker is usually, by convention, called "Tom" (or "he" or "she"), unless some other name is needed for the pun (as in the Marie Curie example above).
The name comes from the Tom Swift series of books (1910–1993), similar in many ways to the better-known Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series, and, like them, produced by the Stratemeyer Syndicate. In this series, the young scientist hero, Tom Swift, underwent adventures involving rocket ships, ray-guns and other things he had invented. A stylistic idiosyncrasy of at least some books in this series was that the author Victor Appleton (Edward Stratemeyer, Howard Garis, or others in Stratemeyer's employ) went to great trouble to avoid repetition of the unadorned word "said", preferring alternative verbs as well as heavy use of adverbs and phrases describing the manner or circumstances of speaking. Since many adverbs end in "ly" this kind of pun was originally called a Tom Swiftly, the prime example being "We must hurry," said Tom Swiftly. At some point, this kind of humor was called a Tom Swifty, and that name is now more prevalent.



"I've had my left and right ventricles removed," Tom said half-heartedly.
"I think my tires are bald," Tom said warily.
"I hate milking cows," Tom uttered.
"I put all my money into an IRA," Tom said interestedly.
"I don't think that leprechaun is telling the truth," Tom implied.
"I think that wasp is in pain," Tom bemoaned.
"I took out the trash," Tom said literally.
"This dinner is made from young calves," Tom revealed.
"I cut my dog's toenails too far," Tom said quickly.
"You're burning the candle at both ends," Tom said wickedly.

More Tom Swifties here

Tim Engstrom’s Column

Tim's Mother sends me his column. I cried when I read this one. There is no explanation for what happened. Please add your prayers to mine for Tim and Eric and Bryan and Byan's family.

COLUMN: SOMETIMES, YOU DON’T WANT A MEMORIAL DAY
By Tim Engstrom, Pothole Prairie
Tuesday, May 27, 2008 9:25 AM CDT


Eric listened to heavy metal soon after he learned our friend Bryan had died. I kept listening to the folk, bluegrass and rock that I usually do. But after returning from Oklahoma last week, I began playing the heavy metal.

For Eric and me, Bryan had been the largest influence for heavy metal. The three of us stayed in touch after serving together in the U.S. Army. We were in 82nd Airborne Division during the Persian Gulf War. The three of us were big friends. For instance, we spent Y2K together, and we climbed Mount St. Helens. Bryan is the reason my CD collection has Black Sabbath, Pantera and Rush, among others.

And now he is gone.

Murdered.

In front of his house.

As his wife watched.
Bryan Christianson died at age 39. It’s a sad story, the saddest one I know.

Bryan and Jeanine had been married for 10 years. They lived in Broken Arrow, Okla. Jeanine was a stay-at-home mother, while Bryan was recently promoted at Fastenal. He leaves behind two adorable daughters, Emily, 9, and Celeste, 4.

Jeanine had a former friend who lived on the same block in Broken Arrow. This former friend has a girl about Emily’s age and this woman was living with a 10-time felon. Yes, that’s right, 10 felonies.

At Rooster Days, a local festival, this woman and Jeanine crossed paths. The woman was upset because Jeanine wouldn’t let Emily play with her daughter. Words flew, and words weren’t enough. The 10-time felon spit tobacco juice on Jeanine and shoved her. He got arrested, and the next day he posted bail.

Ever notice that people prone to committing crimes never take responsibility for their actions? Well, this guy blamed Jeanine for having to go back to jail and made threats (I’m not sure if via telephone or in person). Bryan and Jeanine walked to the house where the crook lived, intending to tell him to just drop it. The coward never came out of the house.

Bryan and Jeanine walked back to their own home, and the 10-time felon came out of his house with a 10-inch knife and chased after them. Jeanine scrambled to go in the house to call 911 but before going in heard Bryan tell the guy to put the knife down and fight like a man. Apparently, Bryan thought he was in a fair fight.

But he wasn’t. The man must have hidden it. He stabbed Bryan twice in his chest, then stood over the injured and helpless Bryan and viciously stabbed him once in the back of the neck. Bryan went limp. Jeanine couldn’t believe what she was seeing.


That was a Monday. Doctors found his spinal cord had been severed. Machines kept him alive. He died Friday. The visitation was last Tuesday. The graveside service was Wednesday, a beautiful morning. Eric and I were pallbearers.

The big question hung in the air as she sobbed. What is Jeanine going to do? Two girls. No job. They definitely aren’t going to live in that house anymore. What do you do when you find yourself alone?

Fortunately, she is not alone. She has a wonderful family, filled with New York accents. Many were Long Islanders who moved to Oklahoma. Her mother and stepfather three months ago bought a 20-acre country spread near Depew. It’s right off Route 66. That is where Jeanine and the girls have been living, and they hope to build another home on the property someday. Eric and I enjoyed riding horses there, and we even more so enjoyed watching the girls ride horses. Appaloosas.

My only advice to Jeanine was to take as long as she needs to figure what to do next. There’s no rush.

I returned to work on Friday, then I was left with a Memorial Day weekend I didn’t really want to celebrate. After burying one of my fathers in April and now burying my dear friend, it’s been a hard spring. I didn’t need cemeteries, rifle salutes or “Taps.”

On Sunday morning, I watched the CBS TV news show “Sunday Morning.” They had a piece about Arlington Cemetery, and they spoke to a widow who was placing stones on her husband’s gravestone. Her husband had died in the Iraq War.

I instantly wept. Finally, I wept. Finally, after trying my best to be strong for others, after trying to be a positive shoulder to cry on, I wept. I tried to keep my tears to myself, but my wife, who was making pancakes in the kitchen, happened to step in the living room. She comforted me.


I kept saying: Bryan’s dead.

There’s nothing that can change that, and it sucks.

Tribune Managing Editor Tim Engstrom’s column appears every Tuesday.

I wrote to Theresa (Tim's Mom) and told her this was going up on the blog. She wrote back:

Thank you, Jay. It was a totally senseless killing. What can I say?

Here is a quote for you:

“People can be only divided into good or bad; their race, religion, nationality don’t matter.” Irena Krzyzanowska Sendler

This woman was instrumental in smuggling more than 2,500 infants and young children out of the Warsaw ghetto. She died recently, which is why I saw the quote. It just keeps sticking with me – maybe it can help someone else!

Tina on Tuesday

Fan made Tina Turner - We Don't Need Another Hero

Memorial Day

Several years ago I took a beautiful hanging basket out to the cemetery to put on my Mother's grave. I know she is not there but it is a place where I can go to remember and honor her.  

The Ames Cemetery is a beautiful place and Mother is buried close to other members of my family.

I took it out on a Sunday so that it would be there all day.  When I went out to get it on Monday evening it was gone.  Someone had stolen it.  I was not happy.  So since then I don't put flowers on her grave anymore.  Instead I make a donation to Youth and Shelter Services in her memory.  In my opinion that is a much better use for the money and she would have agreed.  Several years ago I asked her if she wanted me to buy a brick for her on the "Plaza of Heroines" they were putting at Iowa State University.  She told me she would rather the money went to help someone who needed it. 

So while I honor the concept of Memorial Day - some thief who stole a tribute from my Mother's grave stole more than the flowers.  But I guess in stealing that flower they gave me a much finer tradition to follow.  So tomorrow I will stop by YSS and make my donation and that will be much more meaningful to me and to her.   ARTYAL -  Hugs,  j-bear

Marvelous Monday

Jon put a birdhouse up in the back yard.

I have a WREN.

I took a little movie which will be at the bottom of this post of the wren flying out of the house. It is not very sahrp but you can see him (or her) flutter out and then,if you listen, you can hear it singing to me. I also heard a Cardinal in the back today but did not spot him.





This is the "root" of all my evil.

Jon dug up the root of one of the bushes that has been growing up and causing me about $200 worth of Dan's Custom Landscape work to get it cut down evey year.

I am keeping it on the back porch - just because it is interesting and I am weird.




You can't see this very well but I got to thinking about this little table. It used to sit on my grandparent's porch. I have had it all my life and you can't say that about everything. I like it.





Ginny and Bruce stopped by on their way out of town. Headed back to Kansas City. It was good to have them around.








And now the movie. .





ARTYAL, Hugs   j

Dinner at Matt's

I was invited down to Matt's home for dinner tonight. His friend Dan from Chicago was also there. Matt has a beautiful home but it is being sold and he is moving with Dan to another place in another beautiful area of Des Moines. I have seen that home also and it will be a really nice place.

I didn't have to lift a finger, they fixed everything. I took pictures of the preparations.

I would kill for this kitchen. Well not really but it is nice.

Steaks ready to grill and they were cooked perfectly.

Mushrooms. (As if you could not tell.

A perfect salad.

I messed up and did not get Dan's face. There was a candle hanging right over the table. We ate on the patio and even thought he air was a little heavy it was perfect. We also had steamed green beans and Dan's special potatos which he cooked on the grill. the best meal I have had for ages.
This is Matt. They had been working all day at the new place planting trees, laying down 4 (I think) bags of mulch. And then they had company for dinner. We had to move inside for ice cream and strawberries with our coffee. It started to rain. I took some awesome pictures of the sky and Matt's plantings but I will save them for Wordless Wednesday. We were getting thunder clouds, etc. There was hail on the way home and there are thunderstorm warnings out. I may go out and sit on the porch if we get a storm. The great aunts used to be terrified of storms. If there was a cloud in the sky they went to the cellar (not a basement a cellar) and I think that is why I love them. I enjoy watching the clouds and listening to thunder and lightening. Bailey is more like the aunts. He barks all through the storms. Oh well, to each his own. I had a great day with my friends and I hope you did also.
I also went out the Apple Store and Costco. Must stop spending money. ARTYAL, Hugs, j-bear