Found For Fridays

Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons." 

Boy: "Really?" 

Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!" 

What do single people call Valentine's Day?
 Happy Independence Day 

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? 
Sure, they're very scent-imental!  

 Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? 
She didn't suit his taste! 

When astronauts die they run an orbituary.

The middle east does not need any psychiatrists because there are nomad people.

If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.