Found for Friday

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open. She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"
h/t Dee Oates

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period

For some, a water bed may be the vinyl resting place.

I took my students on a field trip to the Coca-Cola factory. Then I gave them a pop quiz.

The Energizer Bunny was arrested. He was charged with battery.

At first I didn't like my mustache. Then it grew on me.

To some Christmas is about other people's presence

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

As a young boy, Brutus' mother often cautioned him not to run with Caesars.

7 below zero. It's so cold we had to chop up the piano for firewood. We only got two chords.