Found For Friday

 An anthropologist is studying a primitive society in the middle of the jungle when he develops constipation. Finding he has run out of medicine for that particular type of dysfunction, he tells the medicine doctor of the tribe he is studying. The medicine man tells him not to worry; his people sometimes suffer from the same malady but they simply chew the leaves of a particular fern. The anthropologist, figuring that he has nothing to lose (the fern wasn't poisonous), decided to try this herbal medicine.
The next morning he bumps into the medicine man, who asks if everything came out all right. The anthropologist replied that ferns had, indeed, worked very well, adding, "With fronds like these, who needs enemas?

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know.

The first time I used an elevator it was really uplifting, then it let me down.

I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

You know the problem with grapes these days. People just aren't raisin them right.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.

My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.

There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

I heard the new auto body shop that opened comes highly wreck-a-mended.

My tailor is happy to make a pair of pants for me, or at least sew it seams.

Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

I was going to tell you a joke about infinity, but it didn't have an ending!

Someone with contact lense problems eventually found a solution.