A visiting professor at Cardiff University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further.....Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost." The student replies, "Ghost? Damn..... From back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
Wounds heal better if they are covered.
This is an example of gauze and effect.
I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He thanked me.
I said don't mention it.
When my camera fell into the toffee I was making, I got a very candied picture.
It's better to love a short girl than not a tall.
Apparently the maid I hired to clean my house while I was watching the Olympics was only second best.
She just walked off with the silver.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
I wrote a song about small, burrowing animals. I decided it was time to gopher baroque.
Parenting Advice: If you want to call a family meeting, turn off the wifi and wait for them all to come running.
You're welcome.
An explosion at the meat packing plant caused quite a meatier shower.
Many men are confused by women and say they wish women came with instructions, Did you ever know a man who read instructions?
-----Yakov Smirnoff
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me.
It means a lot.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
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