By Spider Robinson
A pun by Long Drink, at Callahan's – "Gentlemen, the story I am about to relate takes place in the distant future. Interstellar travel is commonplace; contacts with alien races are familiar experiences. One day, however, a planet is discovered out Antares way whose sole inhabitant is an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of granite. At first it is mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squats motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a four-story condominium, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives.
"This puzzles the hell out of the scientists, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth – in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, ‘How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn’t use them?"
"’Migod,’ exclaims the xenobiologist, ‘Of course! It only stands to reason.’"
Writer's cramp is also known as Authoritis.
Even though Catholics in space are weightless, do they have mass?
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
Strippers often grow tired of the same old thong and dance.
Children can do some knotty things with string
Some folks are revolted by, have resistance to and find shocking watt is charged in our ohms for the use of electric current.
Although I did not know the name of the boy who bumped his chin while playing a song in the children's hand bell choir, his face rang a bell.
The liquor store advertised, 'We De-Liver.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor
What does a storm-cloud wear under it's coat . . . . Thunderwear!
Back in the days when the guillotine was first used, people wondered, is this what we may beheaded for in the future?
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