Do you wish to know the endings of all the fairy tales?
Cinderella is divorced…
Snow-white has not been so lucky…
Little-Red-Riding-Hood hasn’t seen the Wolf since…
Sleeping Beauty is still asleep…
The Little Mermaid has met a sad fate
Barbie celebrated her 50th Birthday this year…
Little Tweety is 60 years old…
So is Superman…
Wonder Woman is menopausal…
Batman and Robin are living it up at the Nursing Home…
Spider-Man is attached to different threads…
Life is short… So Smile !
This getting old thing is starting to suck!
The other day I saw a magician walk down the street and turn into a drugstore.
So a photon walks in to a hotel. The bell hop asks the photon if he needs help carrying his bags. The photon replies, "no thanks, I'm traveling light."
Boxers make horrible fishermen because they only throw hooks.
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Do you know why math teachers are so mean? They have a lot of problems.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, ‘Jesus knows you’re here.’ He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. ‘Did you say that?’ he hissed at the parrot. ‘Yep’, the parrot confessed, then squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you that he is watching you.’ The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?’
‘I'm Moses.’ replied the bird. ‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed. ‘What kind of people would name a bird Moses?’
‘The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.’
No comments:
Post a Comment