A QUICKIE IN THE BUSHES
by MadDad
There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years. Then one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.
The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
The angel says to them, 'You still have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?'
He asks her 'Shall we?'
She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, of course. But let's swap positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head.'
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.
Choosing to use either rocks or bark in the garden can be a
tu-mulch-uous decision.
Those who defy the agent of death will face grim reaper-cussions.
If a judge likes the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
The farmer was surprised when his pumpkin won first prize at the
state fair. He shouted "oh my gourd!"
No one wants to see a naked banana, it just lacks appeal.
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