Friday, August 7, 2015

Found For Friday


Mother Walks In On Her Daughter-In-Law. Then Responds With This.

A woman stops by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocks on the door then immediately walks in.
She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music is playing, candles are lit, and the aroma of perfume fills the room.
"What are you doing?!" she asks.
"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in- law explains.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaims.
"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law answers.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"
"Jeff loves me and wants me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and can't get enough of me!"
The mother-in-law leaves, inspired by what she has learned.
When the mother-in-law gets home, she undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, dims the lights, puts on a romantic CD, and lays on the couch, expectantly awaiting her husband. Finally, her husband comes home. He walks in and sees her lying there provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"This is my love dress," she whispers sensually.
"Needs ironing," he says. "What's for dinner?
He never heard the gunshot.


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I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.


When chemists die, they barium.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.



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