Found For Friday

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

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A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No, You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."

"WHAT!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and it taint mine.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

He often broke into a song because he couldn't find the key.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Without geometry, life is pointless.