Found For Friday

This was recently voted the funniest religious joke of all time:

Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"

He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?

He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!"

Northern Conservative†Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." 
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.

I hear Apple is working on building a high tech car.

They've hit a snag.

They're having trouble installing Windows.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside of the box.

A giraffe's coffee would be cold by the time it reached 

the bottom of its neck. 

Did you ever think about that? 

No. Because you only think about yourself.

I watched a show about Lake Meade last night.

Best dam documentary I ever saw.

I ate four cans of alphabet soup and just took the biggest vowel movement of my life.

An insulting telegram is a barbed wire.

I could never understand my trigonometry teacher because he always talked in sine language.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

The soundtrack for the killer whale movie was orcastrated.

Are twin brothers called sunsets?

I don't always trust stairs because they're up to something.

I am trying a strict alcohol diet.

So far I've lost four days and all sense of shame.

The punctual zombie was undead on time.

We often get what we deserve.

Why do we invest money with someone called a "broker"?