A woman brought her two parrots in to the taxidermist. She explained that they had been with her for many years, and had both suddenly died, within minutes of one another.
"Could you please stuff them for me?" she enquired.
"Of course, madam," came the reply. "Would you like them mounted?"
"No, I think just holding hands would do."
The aluminum foiled my plans.
I used to really care about subtraction.
Now I'm like, "What's the difference?"
The man lost his grip at the woodchopping competition and was defeeted.
A dung beetle walks into a bar. He asks the bartender,
"Is this stool taken?"
I have decided to write all my posts in capitals.
This one was written in Columbus, Ohio.
He crashed while rowing his boat and suffered a broken scull.
If you're ever out of beer and don't want to go out, see if you can find root beer and put it a square glass. That should do the trick.
Breaking news: immigration officers found a Mexican and deported him, but his watch stayed in the U.S.
His watch was a Citizen.
The woman who injected her 8-year old with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.
The child didn’t look surprised.