Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
"I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly.
"Your fly is undone," was Tom's zippy rejoinder.
"Don't you know my name?" asked Tom swiftly.
"I couldn't believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!" Tom recounted.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.
So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.''
You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.
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