I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
'My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.''
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
but I couldn't find any.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought,
''He's trying to pull a fast one''.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed,
I never knew they worked.
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.
Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.