"Out West, in the town of Diablo, there was a guy named Stanley, who was president of the Creative Credit Loan Company. He was proud of being able to arrange loans for almost anyone. One day as he was locking up to go home, some tough guys accosted him and started to push him around because he was small in stature and mild mannered. Stanley also held a Third Degree Black Belt in Karate. He counterattacked, and gave the tough guys a thrashing they wouldn’t forget."
Said the teacher, "Good, Johnny, now tell us what is the moral of your story."
Johnny replied, "Well, the moral is, if you're ever out in Diablo, don't mess around with the loan arranger."
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications
What's the difference between a dirty old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station the other one is a busty crustacean.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
I've been told I'm condescending.
(that means I talk down to people)
People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones.
But people in Abu Dhabi do!
What do the movies titanic and the sixth sense have in common.
Icy dead people.
Wife says to her programmer husband, "Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."
Husband returns with 12 loaves of bread.
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
It's shift work.
My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.
I said "40"
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means?
It's not the end of the world.
What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?
A labracadabrador.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.
But John came fifth and won a toaster.
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