Found For Friday

 Once there was this cattle rancher who, after 3 years, finally found a buyer for his oldest steer Caesar. This new owner happened to be the rancher's closest neighbor, who lived on the other side of the river valley.

"Men" the rancher said to his cowhands, "it's time to say our good-byes to this bull, and take him across the river". So the men roped Caesar, and walked him down to the river. They were about to put him on the boat to take him across, but the rancher's youngest nephew, who helped to raise Caesar, said, "Can we take him out for one last munch in his favorite meadow?", with a tear in his eye.

The other hands said sure, and led him just off the riverbank for a snack.

Well, with the day as nice as it was, all of the hands took a quick nap. 4 hours later, the rancher saw that the bull was still on his property and ran down into the valley. He shouted and cursed at the men to wake them up.

Once everyone was standing, he said the beast should have been across long ago, "We've come to ferry Caesar, not to graze him!"

I try wearing tight jeans but I can never pull it off.

If you think puns are bad, you haven't read poetry.

It's verse.

I'm maniacally obsessed with completing my Beatles collection.

I need Help.

Fortune tellers have to work on their prophetability.

 

I found a book about religious women, it was in the nun fiction section.

Some people like raw meat on rare occasions.

While walking through the jungle with a black marker, I spotted a leopard.

A guy applies to the welfare office. They ask why he needs financial assistance. "I'm having trouble with my eyes," the man says.

"I can't see myself going to work."

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?