One Halloween night a man opened his door to find a cute kid wearing a pirate costume. "Well, well! And who are you supposed to be, little man?" he inquired.
"I'm Long John Silver," the boy replied.
"I see! Well, Mr. Silver, where are your buccaneers?" the man asked.
"Under my buckin' hat," said the kid.
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A bacteria walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'We don't serve bacteria in this place.' The bacteria said, 'But I work here, I'm staph."
Never trust an acupuncturist.
They're back stabbers.
Someone stole a delivery package off my porch. It contained six bottles of fiber laxative.
From now on, they'll be stealing more regularly.
Writer's cramp is also known as authoritis.
When the gastroenterologist retired,
he threw in the bowel.
The fat life:
You either live it, or you diet.
I met a woman who sets fire to her credit card bills.
Of course, her name is Bernadette.
Chinese takeout food: $13.99
Gas to go pick it up: $2.49
Getting home and realizing one of the containers is missing: Riceless
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We had drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a web designer.
Accountants never die: they just lose their balance.
Gotta give props to all those airplane mechanics.
Novice pirates make terrible singers because
they can't hit the high seas.
Misquotes from Mythology:
"It's all downhill from here." ~~Sisyphus
There's a new Sushi bar that caters to lawyers.
It's called Sosumi.
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