Happy Birthday America!

 It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more. You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not. 

 John Adams

The Egyptians are having another revolution. This one seems easier than the last one. The installed Muslim Brotherhood president was asked/required by the military to step down so that another president could be elected.  The Egyptians, while religious require a secular state. They do not want to be subject to Muslim theocrats and it will be interesting to see what happens as they change their government.  

I pointed you to an interview with David McCullough on Tuesday.  He spoke about the lack of the schools teaching history and I agreed with him 100%.  I love history. History is the stories which make our character.  I watched a History Channel program Wednesday about George Washington. I doubt that most of the students graduating today could tell you much about him. And yet he is in a great measure responsible for our country. He grew into the leadership and set the tone for our country. He won the war that got us our freedom and he stopped the revolution of his officers and every time I hear the story of him saying "Gentlemen, you will permit me to put on my spectacles, for I have not only grown gray but almost blind in the service of my country." I choke up. It is that moving to me.

Being able to read and know the history that goes back thousands of years is a gift for which I am grateful beyond the measure to tell.  I love the stories and knowing about the people who came before us is incalculably valuable and I would venture to say that anyone who ever amounted to anything in politics, business or religion was grounded in history. 

I also took a test from the Christian Science Monitor today about the Civil War and got a 92%. (I missed one) - The average score was 70%.  

I watched Ben Aaron try to get people to sing the Star Spangled Banner and they couldn't!  And I will bet they couldn't tell the story of who wrote the song and the circumstances around its writing.  You can read it here. Did you know it was the 200th Anniversary of that event.

 Just sayin'

And so it goes..

I didn't find much to share this week - just this wonderful story about Sir Patrick Stewart  - Turns out he is a really nice man.  Who knew? Do go and read it if you haven't already.  I have seen it in about five places.

What is is Garrison Keeler says about "It's been a busy week here in Lake Woebegone?"  I have been driving my sister around as her van was down at Indianola getting fixed.  She had me drive out to her place, pick her up and take her where she needed to go and then I had to take Bruce back to her apartment. He had to go along because he has to lift her in and out of my car which is not handicap accessible.  Hers has a ramp and she can roll her wheelchair in and out and transfer to the driver's seat and drive using hand controls. Here is the route.                                                                                               I live here.

She lives here

She works about half way in between and it takes me about 20 minutes to get to her place depending on the stop lights and the traffic.  So that has been a twice a day duty.  Not that I mind doing it but it just takes time.  Then I added the two Masonic Meetings on Friday and Saturday and large chunks of time were no longer available.

The on Saturday I found out my camera was dying and there was no way I was going to get it fixed.  So I decided that I would stop at Costco on my way back from taking Bruce to get her car.  I also decided that we would go earlier in the day so it would not come out of the middle of the day and screw up the entire day.  So I picked up Bruce (Bruce is Ginny's "fellow" they have been together for several years and I am glad she has him because I would not be able to lift her.)

After I dropped him off I went to Costco and got gas (I was running on fumes $67.00) then I went in and looked at the cameras and decided I would get another Lumix. I am pleased with it.  My other one was larger but this is nice and will fit in my pocket and it takes good pictures.
I had to charge it up and when I pushed what I thought was the on button nothing happened.  I called the company and the lady who helped me discover what I was doing wrong. (It helps to push the correct button, Judy)  so I got it on and began to take pictures

 Of course the first picture was of Lady Mollie and doesn't she look sweet.  She is so patient.  I am really going to hate leaving her at the doggie camp when I am gone this summer.
This camera will do a panorama

and it has a zoom so I could take a picture of Jon's praire garden which I would like to be able to go out and see but have not done so yet.

When I was purchasing my $67 worth of gas an older gentleman pulled up behind me to get gas and was talking on his cell phone as he drove up.  (I of course, had my blue tooth in so I could drive with both hands.  (superior snarl) and thought nasty thoughts about him if he bumped my car because he was close.)   He saw my Obama/Biden bumper sticker on the car and said, "I'll bet you are real proud of him now."  I said yes I was. Then I saw a large gold ring on his hand and asked him if he were a Mason.  He was and kindly informed me that he was a 32° Mason. I said I was a 32° KCCH and pointed to the emblem on my tail light.  He said he had seen it.  I said (with a grin on my face) that I would not discuss politics with him as I assumed he was of the other party.  We did anyway and had a nice chat and I got him to admit that he wished for the days when men like Eisenhower ran the party. He did not have nice things to say about Reagan.  His wife was in the car with a long-suffering look.  I told him I was a Democrat because as a teacher the Democrats were the only party that ever did anything for education.

He mentioned that his wife had been a 4th grade teacher for 37 years. (turns out it was 47 years plus 5 years of subbing) - He said she was a Republican also since she had married him. I went over to give her my sympathy... she whispered that she was still a Democrat. I sort of got the idea that she has to put up with this sort of thing all the time. He was a businessman and had car dealerships.  Mentioned that Reagen almost ruined him. It was kind of fun to visit with him but I know he is still shaking his head as I am and as I am sure his wife is.  

Oh the best thing is that while I was talking with her there little dog bounced up from the back seat. It was a Yorkshire Terrier.  Made me miss Bailey but I didn't tell Molly..

Ginny asked me how I spelled Molly.  I told her Mollie when she was Lady Mollie and Molly when she was just being Molly.  Thanks for stopping by. Hugz

Tuesday's Post

I took Molly to Story City to get her toenails trimmed on Monday. She enjoyed getting out.  Unfortunately for her I also had her weighed and so I am going to substitute her regular food for treats.  I also had to get a certificate showing that she had been vaccinated so I could purchase a dog park pass.  I think she will like that and it will be good for both of us.  On the way back I came up behind the DOT painting yellow lines on the pavement. I had to pass on the right and it got me to thinking about the white lines on the side of the  road.  When I first started driving  (55 years  ago) they did not have those lines on the side of the road.  I can  remember when they put them in to help when you had  to drive in fog so that you did not drive off the side of  road.  It was a real improvement and now they also have rough ridges on the sides and in the middle to help keep you from driving off the side or over the middle of the road.   It makes things much safer.

When I got back into town I had to do some banking and went to the bakery and picked up a ham salad sandwich for lunch and a loaf of bread and (yes I was bad) a couple of Dutch letters.  It was a good lunch. On the way home from the bakery I came up behind the car below.

It reminded me of the "Beetles" from my college days and the fun we had with them.  They got painted in all kind of ways and they tried to get as many people in them as they could. They are still trying to do it. Here is a You Tube of a Bug Cram.

When I got home I decided to take some pictures of the remaining daffodils in front of my house.

I used to have plants that ran all across under the bushes.  As you can see there aren't as many now as there used to be but I can see them out the kitchen window and I like seeing them.  The grass in the front is not in too good a shape but the back yard is really almost ready to mow. I also need to hire someone who washes windows.  You know, so I can see my flowers.  Have a great day and thanks for stopping by.

Thursday - This 'N That

We have been having rain. and thunder and even some lightening and Molly doesn't like it.  Not one bit.  She climbed up on my lap at 6:00 this morning and was there until I had to get dressed to leave at 8:15.

I had an Eastern Star Home Board Meeting and had to be over there by 10:00.  She went into the bedroom and waited for me to come home.  I let her out and it was almost immediate that she came back in.  I tried to work on the computer but she let me know that she wanted to be on my lap.  I let her up. I only had to write up the minutes and they could wait.  So she spent the afternoon snuggling and I loved it. I did.

I finally had to get her off because I had finished my pot of coffee and you know what that means.  I made her get down and fixed my supper and while I was eating there was a big crack of thunder and more lightening. She was under the counter right next to me while I finished.  Then it was back on my lap so I did not get things done that I needed to do. I took a couple of pictures but for some reason my phone will not connect with my internet. So I can't share them. Eventually it will happen.

Right now she is under the footrest on the chair and waiting for me to finish.  I could write about happenings in the world right now but they are so upsetting that I find it hard to do so.  What with the political situation and the gridlock, the happenings in Boston and Texas I really find it hard to be upbeat.  I think perhaps that Molly is the only thing that gets me through this time.  I really am wishing I were about 20 years younger and I would emigrate to somewhere else.  Perhaps Johnny Depp has the right idea.  He bought an island and he is the resident.  Of course he has more money than I.  With the money a teacher makes I doubt I could afford a sandbar in the Skunk River,

I think I am losing intelligence in my old age.  I can usually figure things out but lately I have had problems and with the new computer there are things that don't seem to be working correctly. Not sure what to do. And I can't get my phone to connect to the new router. Or my Kindle.  I will try something else tomorrow and see if that works.  Usually I can get someone to help me and while it worked at the store in Des Moines it no longer works at home.  So I am frustrated.  Also the Iphoto does not work correctly and that ticks me off. AAAARGH!  Have a nice day.  Molly wants back up.... Hugs.  j

Thursday This 'N That

Well it has been a busy week here.  On Monday I went to the dentist.  I had gone last week to have my teeth cleaned an the hygienist discovered a
cavity...So I had to go on Monday and get it filled.  While there he tightened the partial and that has helped.  I should have gone to get it fixed earlier.  I now can keep it in all day and it is much more comfortable.  My sister got a new car on Monday.  It sounds quite nice.  I am anxious to see it.

                                                                      I also got my taxes and they were filed.  I am going to get a nice return.  I expected to have to pay but you know how it is.  It is better to receive (refunds) than it is to give (the government) more money.  It will help pay for part of the new computer which I love.








Tuesday I went to see Marsha and she cut my hairs.  It was nice to have them
cut.  My head feels five pounds lighter.




Wednesday I went to see Dr. Crano.  I haven't lost any weight but we knew that.  He was extremely pleased that my A1C number was 6.4 and my blood pressure was good.  He looked my foot over and said it looked good and was pleased that

I am having Dr. Sarintino trim the nails periodically. (When I tried it I would cause some bleeding.  Then I went out to the Pammel Grocery and purchased some exotic foods (to me) to celebrate. Some good, some not so good.

Thursday I need to take the computer and the Time Capsule and the Kindle down to Des Moines to the Computer Doctor to see if we can get things straightened out.  Something is not working just right and I need to get it fixed.  I do love it but I want it to be right.

Molly decided that she could use Cassie's bed as a chew toy so I had fiberfill all over the living room.  I could not scold her too much because she was so happy and cute playing with it.  I took it away and got Cassie one of the pillows off from Miss Molly's bed.  I figured that she (Molly) could replace it.  Such fun.

It was cold and rainy today.  I love the rain and it is surely needed..  Molly did not like the storm that went through. The other day she was hiding in the bedroom and she has messed up all of the covers.  I let her climb up on me and gave her hugs and kisses.  Have a good day.  Can't believe it is almost the end of the week.  ARTYAL.  Hugz... j

Book Review - New Computer, etc.

The Divinity of Dogs: 

True Stories of Miracles 

Inspired by Man's Best Friend 

by Jennifer Skiff

It took me a long time to get through this book.  It is not a page turner. It is a book to be savored slowly. True Stories of Dogs sent into lives to help in time of need.  Dogs who have been abandoned and mistreated and yet still show love so that one just feels that they were a part of the Divine and were sent into our lives to do His work.  These stories will (should) touch your heart and make you realize just how much having a dog can enrich and yes even save your lives.  Another reason it took me so long to read the book is because I could not get through two stories without a catch in my throat and a tear in my eye.  My heart went out to the children and adults whose lives were touched by these four legged saints sent to help.  I read it on my Kindle and thoroughly enjoyed it.

Last Friday I went to Des Moines to Haddock Computer and purchased a new laptop.  My old 13 inch would type and I could blog from it but...(there is always a but) I could not view Youtube on it and if I did it would crash and I would have to restart it.  I knew it was on its last legs and decided to bite the bullet and get a new machine. The computer folks at Haddock nicely transferred the files from the old computer to the new computer andI brought it home.  I did have to purchase a new copy of Microsoft Office. And I did have trouble getting that installed.  (Had a nice visit from a person in India who hooked up to my computer and took it over and got it fixed.  Now the only problem I have is that my Kindle will not communicate with the new hook-up.  I know the password but it still won't work.  I am wondering if I will be able to receive a book.  No matter I have a real book to read next.

It took all day on Saturday to accomplish my tasks and I stayed home on Sunday. My sister wrote today that she was approved to get a new van.  It sounds really nice.  Since she is in a wheelchair it is important for her mobility to have a vehicle she can get in and out of and drive.  Her old one had a lot of problems and was not really something she could rely on.  I am so glad there are programs in place to help her get the things she needs.

I had to spend two hours Monday night hooking up to the Internet again but finally made it and now I am tired.  I missed some programs but I can watch them on Mediacom On-Demand or Hulu.  And If I can't the world won't end. 

Take care and have a good rest of the week.  Hugs, j

The Skies of Iowa - This 'n That

 Tuesday my friend Craig picked me up and drove me out to the driver's license station so that I could recover my lost license..(lost for 6 months due to a DUI) - After paying an exorbitant amount of money and standing around for an hour I finally regained my license.

And I drove home. (We had driven out in my car.)   After watching my Soap for the day Molly and I got in the car and drove up to visit Aunt Jo and Cousin Georgia.  We had a nice visit.  Their friend Sally was there and it was good to see her.

Then Molly and I drove to Ankeny to go to the PetSmart store to get Molly a new collar but the lady there (who had a beautiful Golden) checked out the one I had and said it was just fine for Molly.  Speaking of Molly on Monday night she spent the entire night on my lap.  She knew I was worried about the next morning and getting my license back so she stayed up all night to comfort me.  She truly is an amazing dog.

I stopped at the grocery store in Ankeny and then got in the car and drove home.  The skies were so beautiful with puffy clouds and bright sunshine and I really was so happy to be in the car and driving again.

We have had some crummy grey days over the past week. It seems that finally we are going get Spring.  Today (Wednesday) it is up to 45 degrees already.

It is like the heavens were reflecting my mood.

The picture below is of shadows on my wall.  It looked neater in person.

And this one is of a drawing that one of my parents gave me after I had her son in school.  One of the kids I have not reconnected with but I will always remember him.  Not because of the incredible drawing but because when he was in Kindergarten he beat me playing chess.  Ruined the game for me.  But that is the way it is.  Later I had him in class.  He obviously had great potential and I did not hold it against him that he had beaten me in Kindergarten.

Today I was working on the computer and Molly started growling and barking (which she never does)  Then I lost my signal on the Internets and was not connected and the picture on my TV was frozen .  I called Mediacom and tried to get things working again and it came back on. When I went out to look for the mail I saw the Mediacom truck parked in front and then I found out that they were out back working on the line so I took a picture just as they were finishing.  Hopefully this will solve all my problems with the TV. It has been a long haul but Mediacom has been persistent and worked to fix the problem.

Daffy-Down-Dillies

Daffy Down Dilly

Has come to town

In a yellow petticoat

And a green gown

Edward Lear

I love daffodils. A friend brought me these and put them in my mailbox and then called me up to let me know they were here.

I have rows of them that come up in the front of my house and I always like to see them there.  I don't cut them because I like to share with my neighbors and they last longer out there.

My grandmother always said that you should have some yellow in your bouquet.

Speaking of my grandmother.  She had this quilt in a drawer and when my grandfather died I claimed it.  My sister has it at her place and she took a picture of it.  It is signed Elvira Rossmann 1887.  Elvira was my grandmother's grandmother.

She also took pictures of each of the squares so maybe someday she will share them with us.

Speaking of quilts.  My friend Su who has been so great and taken me to the grocery store during my hiatus from driving posted this quilt on her Facebook page

She posted this comment: "The opagi quilt ... of Hogan Itoyan Tanka 

(The Whale), along with elk teeth and chanupa were accepted by 

Chief Golden Light Eagle in ceremony on Thursday evening this 

week. It's official, the Iowa All Nations Sun Dance is a GO!

You can read her story of the opaqi gift on her Web site.  It is awesome."

Just one more thing.  Found this picture of the Popes on-line

Pope Francis rocks! A humble man who does not put up with the ostentation of his predecessor. I am beginning to admire him.  Now we shall see if he humanizes the church.

A Couple of things

 Well, Here we go again. I have to put up a post and I have nothing.... or as Dr. Spo would say the Muses are not cooperating.  Actually he would not say that but rather something like it.

 I got the giraffe in a truck picture from John.  From time to time he sends me things and I enjoy getting them.  He also sent me the Past Master picture below which you will get to later.  In five more days I will get my driver's license back and will be able to do things again.  I am hoping that Quartet will still be playing at the Fleur Cinema  in Des Moines because that is the first place I am going to go.

And then I shall go to Costco and have a leisurely drive over the back roads to get home.  I may stop somewhere and eat outside of Ames.  I will try to swing by the Krispy Kreme and get a doughnut and then eat it on the way home, stopping at the new Dunkin Donuts in Ames and get another one.  Then I shall come home and collapse with a sugar high. Then after I get home I may decide to go out to someplace around 10:00 at night and get some coffee in a coffee shop or just drive out and look at the lights that Bob took pictures of and we posted on the blog the other day.  In the meantime I will continue to sit here and practice patience.

I will also be able to drive to my Lodge Meetings and to meetings that I want to go to.  I imagine they will have to examine me at Arcadia Lodge because I have not been there since November.  I imagine it may look something like the picture below.

At any rate I am going to be glad to have Spring come, and to be able to take pictures like this one.

And take Miss Molly on rides and perhaps we will find out where the dog park is and go down there to look the place over to see if she likes it.  

I will be grateful, appreciative and very careful.  I still won't be able to have a drink because part of my sentence is to abstain from all alcohol for the entire year.  My probation officer did recommend that I be released from probation so I suppose that it will be on my honor system.  And I don't have any problem with that.  There is only one part of my sentence that I think was unfair.  I would have been able to have the fine reduced by half ($650) if I had gotten a temporary license.  The problem with that was that I could only have driven to work and I don't work.  Not to the grocery store or to medical appointments  or church (I don't go anyway) and I would have had to rent a breath lock machine which would have eaten up any savings from having the fine reduced so I decided there was no point.  I understand the penalty and the need for it but I do feel it is kind of harsh for a first time offense. 

It is almost over and I am glad for that. In the meantime give yourself a hand for reading this and stop by again sometime.  Hugs, j

Tuesday This n' Than

I found this picture of my cousins (First, once removed) Amy and Michael labeled 1994 in the desk and as I had not used the scanner in ages I decided to share it.

Amy has been married to Lee for many years, They have two children and Michael is marrying a beautiful young woman on the river in Minneapolis where they live.

Michael has two dogs who are similar to Molly.  They are nice kids and I wish I got to see them more often.  They are my Aunt JoAnn's grandchildren.

When I read a book about rescues I get emotional about the way the dogs are treated.  I am reading a really great one now but it got me to thinking about the daughter of some friends we made at the Lake (Leech).  They lived in a small town in Iowa and it was right on my way to go to Cedar Falls.  I used to stop once in awhile to see Bev and catch up. (Bev was the daughter of the family who owned the resort where we went) - She had a daughter who was "still at home" - this daughter had decided to raise puppies to make some money so her father had used part of a barn to build a kennel for her dogs.  It looked like a nice set-up.
The dogs could go inside the barn and had outside access so they could get fresh air or be out of the sun if need be.  But it made me uncomfortable, and I did not like the size of the pens they were in and the smell of shit (I know most people say feces but I am not as nice as that - shit is shit) was all over.  The doggies were not socialized and you could tell they were starved for attention.  I just did not feel good about it and it was the last time I stopped by there.  I did not know it at the time but everything I have read about puppy mills since then makes my visceral reaction to this place understandable.

In contrast the place I got Bailey was a home where the Yorkie ruled the roost. They were a real pack of lively action and were loved by the breeders.  They lived inside the house (all over it really) and in hindsight it was probably very traumatic for Bailey to have been taken away from the pack atmosphere.  But we bonded and I became his pack and he saved my life, literally.  He came into my life when my mother left it and he was able to help me with the void I felt.

And of course Hearts United for Animals (Link on the right) is a no-kill shelter. They have over 400 dogs and Molly was waiting there for me and I am eternally grateful to them for letting her come to live with me. I miss Bailey every day but Molly is a love and certainly has given me more than I will ever be able to give back to her.

I went to a Masonic Reception this week-end for one of our Lodge Brothers who is Senior Grand Warden this year.  I usually try to avoid these events but this Brother is a very special one and he has done a lot for our Lodge.  I think sometimes Grand Lodge Officers spend more time trying to be a Grand Lodge Officer than they do being a member but not Bill.  He works in the Lodge and he mentors others and he is one of the few brothers who have offered to help me out while I am driving challenged. He also brings another Mason to Lodge who is similarly challenged.

So as much as I dislike these large events I went.  And I had a good time. One of the Brothers from Specialis Procer Lodge who lives in Mt. Vernon was coming over for it and I asked him if he would mind picking me up after the festivities at the Lodge (which I did not attend and will not attend - but that is another story) and take me out to the Banquet which was being held at the Scheman Building at Iowa State. He would and did and It was a lovely time with a congenial table of friends and I saw a lot of people I had not seen for awhile.

It did really show me how much I need to get some exercise as I have not gotten much with the last 5 months of mostly sitting at home. As with all of these events pictures were taken and someone took and posted a picture of me.  It has been 5 months since my hairs were cut.  I did not know how bad it was until I saw the photo.

So I "messaged" Marsha and asked her if her offer of stopping by to cut my hair was still open.  It was and she came at 11 and cut my hairs. I look human again.
I really like Marsha.  She was my mother's beautician and has been cutting my hair for about 25+ years.  She is a friend and a connection to my mother.  And she did my Aunt JoAnn's hair also so sometimes I would get news from the family from Marsha.

My days and night are mixed up.  I have been reading at night and sleeping late.  I guess it is all right but then I sometimes have to fall asleep watching TV and then watch the shows I have saved on the DVR after I wake up.  For example it is now 12:46 am and I just started my last show.  Then I will read some more call Molly over and we will sleep for awhile and sometime during the night she will get down and go back to the couch.

I guess that is all right because then I do not have to watch the annoying commercials.  Some of them are particularly annoying,  always the Chantex "I quit smoking" commercials and recently the at&t ones with the guy in the suit talking to a bunch of little kids.  I think the kids are obnoxious and the suit is just dumb. Oh it was cute the first time but after the godzillianth time I really hate it.  Speaking of TV, I understand that ABC has cancelled Zero Hour.  Too bad I kind of liked it.  A show like that needs more of a chance than three times.

That is about all I have for now.  Have a great day.  Hugs, j

Thursday - This n' That

 We have "weather" coming in. We are supposed to get 5-8 inches of snow. Just what I wanted.  I guess that March may come in like a lion.  Then perhaps it will be spring time and we can have the butterflies and blossoms again.

I went to the Doctor today.  I guess I had messed up and gotten the date wrong on my calendar because when I got there they told me that it was supposed to be for next Monday.  However they did get me in and things were good.  My doctor said my blood work was good and some things had improved.  So I don't have to see him again for 7 months.   That was nice.

I was able to talk Mediacom down on my monthly price and will be saving about $50 a month on my bill plus I will get the higher speed Internet. I am very pleased.  Perhaps that will help with my "Youtube" problem.  We shall see. I am trying to put off getting another computer. I would like a new one but I don't see anyone buying me a new one and I am not willing to go out on a limb to get a new one.  It is just like I would like a large flat screen TV with a Blu Ray player but not being wealthy means I can't afford many things. I am better off than a lot of people and I have saved some money by not being able to drive my car.

 I have Specialis Procer Lodge Festive Board on Friday night, hopefully the snow won't mess things up for us.

Currently I am bitching about:
  The commercial on TV with the guy at the little table talking to little kids and asking them questions.  They are precocious and he is a "suit" and it drives me nuts.. Oh and also all of the Tax preparing commercials.  In particular the H R Block ones are uninspired this year.  And of course they are so very repetitive there is no way you can get away from them.

The worst commercials are still the ones for the lawyers and the Chantix helped me quit smoking ones.

And then there is this:

An 85-year-old man was having prostate problems and the doctor was looking for clues and suggested that a sperm count might shed some light on the problem.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing..'

The doctor was shocked!

'You asked your neighbor?'

The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open!