Found for Friday

 Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!

I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they

wanted the name of a country?

PARAPROSDOKIANS ... (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

 Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a

fruit salad.

They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell

you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is

research.

Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk

is a work station.