A pickle maker fell into one of the vats at work. Doctors determined he suffered a brine injury.
A patient asked me what sort of wife should he take. I replied you should take a single woman and leave the wives alone.
The racers all had shorts on that were too small so it was a tight race.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my butt.
I used to work at a knife factory but then it got dull.
If I ever get a dog I will name him Spot.
That way, every day I can say, "Out, damned Spot."
It's so dry in Texas that the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling, the Methodists are using wet-wipes, the Presbyterians are giving out rain-checks, and the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water.
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I saw an add for a stereo for $5 but the volume knob was busted. I thought to myself, well I can't turn that down!
If you're alone and get too cold you might become ice-olated.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine