Friday, November 25, 2016

Found For Friday

I don’t care how much you love turkey, we don’t allow that kind of fowl language at the dinner table.

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

A job circumcising elephants isn't so bad.
The salary is small but the tips are big.

In democracy, it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

I think there are about 1-2 million baseball fields in the world but that is just a ballpark guess.

When the gastroenterologist retired, he threw in the bowel.

Ruth and Johnny side by side
Went out for an auto ride
They hit a bump; Ruth hit a tree
And John kept going, ruthlessly.

Arranging Goliath's funeral was a giant undertaking.

Smartly dressed poultry would be called chic hens.

Now that they allow us to wear jeans at the office everyday, I am no longer a slacker.

There was a boating accident between the yacht,
Red Dawn, and the schooner, Blue Lagoon.
It left the survivors marooned.

The weather forecast was for freezing rain
and sure enough it was an ice day.

Two attractive female birds were showing off in front of some males. Both had spent two hours at the hairdresser, but it was the curly bird that got the perm.

HT/ John Klaus

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