Found For Friday

  A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the check, he pulls out a gun, fires it several times, then walks out the door. A stunned patron then asks the waiter, "What was that all about?" The waiter responded, "That's just the way pandas are," and walked away. Well, the patron didn't know what a panda was, so at home that night he looks up "panda" in the dictionary and what he finds explained everything: "Panda: A large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China; eats shoots and leaves.

In Iran, they have fear of spiders.

In Iraq no phobias.

Though we're born in the buff, we wear our parents genes inside out.

It's interesting to attend meetings of Plastic Surgery Anonymous.

I always see a lot of new faces.

A podiatrist adds insoles to injury.

My doctor told me I'm suffering from onomatopoeia.

I asked him, "What's that?"

He said, "Exactly what it sounds like."

The dictator was really upset about the neckwear he had received as a gift. What a tie rant.

Most people don't know I tried my hand at entrepreneurship. A few years ago I opened a nightclub called "Erectile Dysfunction." But it was a complete flop.

My new mug.

You know the problem with grapes these days?

People just aren't raisin them right.

To the guy who invented zero.

Thanks for nothing.

The best thing to carry with you when you start feeling tired is a knapsack.

There is an email going around offering processed pork, gelatin,

and salt in a can.

If you get this email, don't open it. It's Spam.

My friend said his dog can retrieve a ball over 300 yards away.

I said that sounds pretty far fetched.

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