Found For Friday

• "I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.

• "Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.

• "I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.

• "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.

I have a bumper sticker that says "honk if you think I'm sexy."

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

Fact: You can hear the blood in your veins.

If you listen vericosely.

Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.

 

Shy strippers just can't bare it on stage.

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream, and butter.

How dairy!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?

He couldn't control his pupils

At any given time, the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

I lost my rare deck of Tarot cards. I was sad, they cost me a fortune.

Young animal doctors are vet behind the ears.

If money talks, why do we need bank tellers?

The man who worked at the watch factory was very funny.

He stood about all day making faces.

A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying 'give me all the cashew have.'