Friday, June 9, 2017

Found For Friday

It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says.

"That's cool," says Bobby.

Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds, "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby--so he asks Carrie's dad to repeat it. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!" Well, Bobby's eyes light up at that. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

A bunch of Robins followed the priest where ever he went. Birds of a father flock together.

Did you know diarrhea is genetic?

It runs in your genes.

Eating clocks is really time consuming.

I'm blind enough to look at the situation in the wrong fashion, so I changed my clothes.

I once told a girl it was her turn to shovel and salt the front steps.
All I got was icy stares.

One ink spot walked up to another ink spot and said "why are you crying?"

The other ink spot replied "because my dad is in the pen and I don't know how long the sentence will be!"

Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept the fact that it needs help.

Puns about communism are not funny unless everyone gets them.

I farted in my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

My friend just became a chiropractor.
She said the exam was a real pain in the neck.

I like to visit my friend, but when he removes his prosthesis in front of company, it's always disarming.

Those who steal trains must have a loco-motive.

I called the plumber: "Can you come over and fix my kitchen sink again?"

The plumber replied, "You know I'm always at your disposal."

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