Found For Friday

A backpacker is traveling through Ireland when it starts to rain. He decides to wait out the storm in a nearby pub. The only other person at the bar is an older man staring at his drink. After a few moments of silence the man turns to the backpacker and says in a thick Irish accent:

"You see this bar? I built this bar with my own bare hands. I cut down every tree and made the lumber myself. I toiled away through the wind and cold, but do they call me McGreggor the bar builder? No."

He continued "Do you see that stone wall out there? I built that wall with my own bare hands. I found every stone and placed them just right through the rain and the mud, but do they call me McGreggor the wall builder? No."

"Do ya see that pier out there on the lake? I built that pier with my own bare hands, driving each piling deep into ground so that it would last a lifetime. Do they call me McGreggor the pier builder? No"

"But ya fuck one goat.."

I don't like hanging out at the pancake house, it gives me the crepes.

While I was sitting on a bench I noticed a really pungent odor. No wonder they call it a pew.

A lot of women actually turn into good drivers.

So if you're a good driver, watch out for women turning.

I lost BIG at the horse races last night.

They are all so much more faster than me.

My yoga instructor asked me to go to her house.

She put me in a very awkward position.

The masseuse was fired for rubbing people the wrong way.

I woke up not very hungry after having a roll and turnover in bed.

Ten Thousand years ago the first humans came to North America by crossing over from Russia to Alaska. They hadn't actually intended to do this. They got lost and couldn't get their Berings Strait.

I went to my doctor complaining about stiffness in my legs. He gave me special shoes to remedy the problem. Later at the bar I told my friend about my new orthodontic shoes.

He said, "Don't you mean orthopedic?"

I replied, "I stand corrected."

Why are hermits always penniless? Because they are loaners.

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

Hotel maids are experts with spread sheets.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.