Found For Friday

• "Don't add too much water," said Tom with great concentration.

• "I wonder if there's a number between seven and nine," said Tom considerately.

• "I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counterproductively.

• "It's not fair!" said Tom darkly.

• "I haven't had any tooth decay yet," said Tom precariously

 When asked if he thought he would be successful with his parole,

O.J. Simpson said "He'd take a stab at it....."

 

Have anyone heard the rumor about butter?!?

Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean.

Irresponsible financiers must be discredited.

Decided to order my first pelican burger.

It tasted fine, but the bill was huge.

How do crazy people get through the forest?

They take the psycho path. 

What's the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster?

One's a shaving Roman and the others a raving showman.

Did you know that Swedish war ships have barcodes on the sides of their hulls?

It's so they can scandanavian.

The street artist was talented, he could really draw a crowd.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, the other has a pause at the end of its clause.

My centaur friend is in the hospital.

Don't worry, the doctor says he is in stable condition.

Auto correct has become my worst enema.

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.