Friday, July 21, 2017

Found For Friday

A woman takes her lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her nine-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman’s husband also arrives home unexpectedly.  She rushes her lover into the closet, not realizing that the little boy is already in there.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.”

“Yes, it is,” replies the man.

Boy:  “I have a baseball.”

Man:  “That’s nice.”

Boy:  “Want to buy it?”

Man:  “No, thanks.”

Boy:  “My dad’s outside, and I can yell.”

Man:  “Oh, all right.  How much?”

Boy:  “$250.”

Man:  “Sold.”

A couple of weeks later it happens again, and the boy and the lover find themselves together in the closet once more.

Boy:  “Dark in here.”

Man:  “Yes, it is.”

Boy:  “I have a baseball glove.”

The man remembers the last time, and says, “Oh, for Pete’s sake!  How much this time?”

Boy:  “$750.”

Man:  “Sold.”

A few days later the boy’s dad says, “C’mon, son!  Grab your glove and let’s go out in the yard and play some catch!”

“Well, Dad,” says the boy, “I’d really like to, but I sold my glove and my baseball too.”

“Why would you do that?” asks the dad.  “How much did you get for them?”

$1,000,” replies the boy.

“That’s terrible!” says the dad.  “How could you charge your little friends so much?  That’s WAY more than they’re worth!  You put on your shoes and come with me, young man!  I’m taking you to church for confession!”

They get to the church, and the father marches the boy to a confessional, pushes him inside, and closes the door.

“Dark in here,” says the boy.

“Don’t start that shit with me again!” comes the voice from the other side of the screen.  “You’re in my closet now!”

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth.

Then it becomes a soap opera.

Cost of living balloons due to high inflation.

When the diva's vacuum cleaner broke, she refused to use a broom because it just wouldn't be Hoover.

Farmers, don't just brand cattle. They also brand sheep.

The brands are known as baaa codes.

My bacon soup recipe began as an add hock meal.

Whenever a bird takes a poop on my car, I sit on my porch and eat a plate of scrambled eggs.

Just to let them know of what I'm capable.

I told Megan that I liked Beyonce.

She responded, "whatever floats your boat."

I told her "no, that's bouyance..."

I hate Russian nesting dolls.

They're so full of themselves.


What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is heavy while the other is a little lighter.

The guy who draws pictures of suspects is a con artist.

"A fellow reached for his liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a

bottle of white-out. He woke the next morning with a huge correction."

1 comment:

Ur-spo said...

I haven't had oatmeal in a long while.