A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds.
One November evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair.
On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin.
Meanwhile in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.
The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird.
"I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these damn..."
The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse.
"Please Dear," she said, "Not in front of the chilled wren."
Those who change the color of their food are on a dye-it.
Eating oysters can help increase your mussel tone.
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge says, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
Mermaids are excellent journeyers because they can avoid pier pressure, make a splash, ride the waves, and seas the day.”
I just bought a thesaurus and when I got home
and opened it all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
All the waterfowl kept their eyes closed except for one.
It was a Peking duck.
Two red blood cells fell in love.
But alas, it was all in vein.
Why is it polite to knock before you open the refrigerator?
Because there could be a salad dressing.
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillow?!
It's making ALL the headlines.
Every American is to be given a large chunk of Parmesan cheese in the latest attempt to make their country grate again.
If you ever get cold, stand in the corner for a bit.
They are usually about 90 degrees.