Found For Friday

IF YOU MARRY A MINNESOTA GIRL

The first man married a woman from New York. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Cincinnati. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Minnesota. He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

I've just joined a dating service for arsonists.

They've sent me some matches.

 

Only the squares are doing well in geometry class. It's their area.

To me the end result of a can-do attitude is positively candid.

Somebody just called me on the phone, sneezed, then hung up!

I hate being cold called.

My lack of knowledge about Greek mythology will always be my Achilles elbow.

Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.

I don't fear condiments on my food.

I relish it.

I saw Dr. Hook in the nineties.

It was one of the most painful prostate examinations I've ever had.

 

"Because" is a word to the whys.

I have a Polish friend who is an audio engineer.

And a Czech one too. Czech one too.

One cannibal to another: "What do old people taste like?"

His pal replies "...............Depends......"

 

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.