Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.” Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.
Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, “Now, just a minute – listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up.
I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor.
I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels – the phone is still ringing – when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke.
The phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife – she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.
Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!”
The smartest nut mixtures have some macadamia.
The guilty caviar was rightly sentenced to death roe.
I just threw out a gallon of spring water.
I figured that since it's now winter,
it must be way past its "use by" date.
You become a heart doctor bypassing your final exam.
A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well.
It was known to be bambidextrous.
I stopped being friends with a magazine collector.
He had a lot of issues.
There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.
