Found For Friday

The presidential cabinet huddled in their murky war room to discuss rejecting the enemy’s offer without escalating tensions.

“Send them an insult disguised as a gift,” said the president, “maybe a box of chocolates-covered ants?”

“One problem,” said a diplomat. “They’re insectivores. They won’t take ants for a no, sir.”

Spring is here!

I'm so excited I wet my plants.

Yesterday at the zoo, I saw a baguette in a cage.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity.

A security guard stopped me in the hospital parking lot and said, "You can't park here; it's badge holders only."
I said, "But I have a bad shoulder!"
(say it out loud)

You can buy pencils with erasers at both ends.

What's the point?

When fabric softener was invented it made people ex-static.

I knew a woman who owned a taser,

man was she stunning!

I've always wanted to try cooking with herbs,

but I can never seem to find the thyme.

I almost invested in a poultry farm.

I chickened out at the last moment!

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing

but mean a mother.

The medieval prostitute worked knights

whenever she could.