“Quick!” she said. “Go stand in the corner and don’t move a muscle!”
Then she sprayed him with baby oil and covered him with talcum powder.
“Hi, Sweetheart,” said the husband as he came into the bedroom. “Hey! Wait a minute! What’s that thing?”
“That?” she said. “Oh, that’s a statue. I was over visiting the Smiths, and they had one in their bedroom, so I ordered one for us too.”
“Well, OK,” said the husband, and put on his pajamas and climbed into bed.
About 3:00 the next morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen, made a sandwich, popped open a beer, and brought them back to the bedroom.
He handed them to the “statue.”
“Here,” he said. “Have a little something to eat. I stood in the Smiths’ corner like that for three whole days with nothing to eat or drink.”
A new type of broom just came out.
It's sweeping the nation.
So this guy was walking his pregnant dog on the road when suddenly his dog starts giving birth right there! Shortly after an officer pulled up and said “Sir I’m going to have to write you a ticket”
Baffled the guy asks what for. The officer replies...
... “littering”
I've decided I should have been an optometrist.
Most of them dilate.
The only place for diginity in defeat is at the shoe store.
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."—Robert Benchley
Iron Man and Silver Surfer should team up.
They could be alloys.
I called Animal Control and told them there was a pole cat clinging to my ceiling fan. They said they didn't believe me.
I told them, "You'll just have to take my whirred ferret."
It's been discovered that William Tell and his son belonged to a bowling league. But Swiss authorities have not been able to determine the name of the league's sponsors.
So we'll never get to know for whom the Tells bowled.
Carrie Underwood should do an album of Johnny Cash songs.
She could call it Cash and Carrie.
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