The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know what, I bet he will." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair... Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money.
I read that, by law, you're supposed to turn on your headlights
when it's raining in Sweden.
How am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?
I can't believe how crowded it was at the Lego store.
People were lined up for blocks!
Mountains aren't just funny...they are hill areas
All the candy canes in our house are in mint condition.
My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults."
Good man - terrible geologist.
Santa Claus may not rely on certain eyewitness testimony when deciding whether children have been naughty or nice. The Supreme Court ruled that reliance on surveillance by Elf on the Shelf dolls violates the fifth amendment guarantees against elf-incrimination.
I met a woman whose house was made of celery.
Worst case of "Stalk Home" Syndrome I've ever seen.
I accidentally plugged my computer keyboard into my sound system.
I spent the rest of the day stereotyping.
I'm opening a store that sells Bagels, Doughnuts, and Swiss Cheese.
I'm calling it Hole Foods.
The Turkey wasn't hungry at Christmas
because he was already stuffed.
What name does Santa Claus use when
he takes a rest from delivering presents?
Santa Pause!
Reindeer don't go to public school, they’re elf taught.
Christmas tree trend started because people
thought it would spruce things up a bit.
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