One of them says to the other, ‘Hey, where’d that guy come from?’
‘Must be a son-of-a-beech’ says the beech tree.
‘No, I say it’s a-son-of-a-birch’ says the first.
Along comes a woodpecker, and the trees say to it, ‘Hey, woodpecker, you know all the trees, is that new tree a son-of-a-beech or a son-of-a-birch?’
The woodpecker goes over to check it out. He pecks lightly on the sapling. He smiles, and pecks another time. He starts pecking faster, moves up, down, all around the little tree, pecking everywhere, wildly out of control. The mature trees shout ‘Hey, woodpecker! Stop! What’s going on? Is it a son-of-a-beech or a son-of-a-birch?
The woodpecker looks up with a silly grin – ‘Neither,’ he says, ‘but it’s the tastiest piece of ash I’ve put my pecker in, in ages!’
A job circumcising elephants isn't so bad. The base salary is small but the tips are big.
The study of genealogy is a basic requirement for a descent education.
Past, Present and Future walked into a bar.
It was tense.
1000 pairs of underwear were stolen, police were making a brief inquiry.
The smoker always listened to his favorite Rap artist on his smoke breaks. He was a Tupac a day man.
Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines.
When making butter there is little margarine for error.
For every jailor who makes a guarded comment there's a prisoner who lets words escape.
The king never let any of his personal musicians go swimming immediately after eating for fear that they would get minstrel cramps.
Never hire a depressed exorcist - they're not very good at lifting spirits.
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