An Italian doctor says: "In Italy, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."
The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany, we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."
The American doctor laughs: "You all are behind us. Few days ago, we took a man with no brains, no heart, and no liver and made him President.Now, the whole country is looking for work!"
Today is a kick back and do nothing day. I'm auditioning for American Idle.
He said we could deal with that later.
Trust your calculator, it's something to count on.
I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.
SSSSSHow the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?
Mozart wrote his first symphony at age 8. And I have to rehearse five times what I'm going to order at the drive-thru.
I have a friend who is an artist with the military.
He keeps drawing enemy fire.
Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me.
Fortunately I had only super fish oil injuries.
Instead of being rewarded for his invention, Dr. Guillotine was charged with neckless endangerment.
I hate it when people don't know the difference between"your" and "you're."
There so stupid.
Do you know how you wake up Lady Gaga?
You "Poker face"
Whenever there is an earthquake the geologists are always quick to find fault.
A guy became so good with a chainsaw that he was promoted to branch manager.
The dentist's alibi was full of holes, so the police performed a cavity search.