Found For Friday

The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible. The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."

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Two psychiatrists bumped into each other in the hall. One of them said "Hi." As he walked away, the other muttered, "Hmmm. I wonder what he meant by that?"

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A famous ornithologist was asked to be the keynote speaker at the opening of a new bird sanctuary. Since he had a scheduling conflict, however, all he could do was send his egrets.

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

Fact. Teenage girls only travel in odd numbers because

they "CAN'T EVEN."

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Australian beer brewers use kangaroo hops.

Three brothers decided to go in together and open a cattle ranch. They asked their father what they should name it, and he said "call it The Focus Ranch, because that's where the sons raise meat!" (say it aloud - you'll get

I was talking with some co-workers the other day about stock options.

Mine are pretty much only chicken or beef.

I lost my watch at a party one time. Just as I found it, a guy stepped on it as he started to hit on Megan. I walked right up to the guy and punched him in the nose. No one hits on my wife. NOT ON MY WATCH.

An angry skunk reeks his vengeance.

A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well. It was known to be bambidextrous.

The fish were shy - obviously koi.

Breaking news: a nun was kicked out of the convent for constantly wearing her underwear on her head. Mother superior explained she was removed for "having a bad habit."

I own a lawn mowing business.

I get really bad reviews when I don't cut corners.