...the Government of the United States, which gives to bigotry no sanction, to persecution no assistance, requires only that they who live under its protection should demean themselves as good citizens in giving it on all occasions their effectual support. Geo. Washington Feb. 22, 1732

Friday, February 10, 2017

Found For Friday

The receptionist tells the psychiatrist that there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible.
The Psychiatrist says, "Tell him I can't see him right now."

Two psychiatrists bumped into each other in the hall. One of them said "Hi." As he walked away, the other muttered, "Hmmm. I wonder what he meant by that?"

A famous ornithologist was asked to be the keynote speaker at the opening of a new bird sanctuary. Since he had a scheduling conflict, however, all he could do was send his egrets.

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

Fact. Teenage girls only travel in odd numbers because
they "CAN'T EVEN."

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Australian beer brewers use kangaroo hops.

Three brothers decided to go in together and open a cattle ranch. They asked their father what they should name it, and he said "call it The Focus Ranch, because that's where the sons raise meat!" (say it aloud - you'll get

I was talking with some co-workers the other day about stock options.
Mine are pretty much only chicken or beef.

I lost my watch at a party one time. Just as I found it, a guy stepped on it as he started to hit on Megan. I walked right up to the guy and punched him in the nose. No one hits on my wife. NOT ON MY WATCH.

An angry skunk reeks his vengeance.

A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well. It was known to be bambidextrous.

The fish were shy - obviously koi.

Breaking news: a nun was kicked out of the convent for constantly wearing her underwear on her head. Mother superior explained she was removed for "having a bad habit."

I own a lawn mowing business.
I get really bad reviews when I don't cut corners.

1 comment:

Ur-spo said...

psychiatrists always eat their oatmeal.