Found For Friday

Miss Beatrice, the church organist,

was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her

and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister

noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it.

The bowl was filled with water.

In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones,

they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle

his curiosity about the bowl of water

and its strange floater, but soon it got the better

of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice",

he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"

pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through the park a few months ago

and I found this little package on the ground.

The directions said to place it on the organ,

keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"

The pastor fainted.

You may become a sore luger

If you fall off your sled during Olympic competition.

The Difference Between Stabbing a Man and Killing a Hog?

One is assaulting with intent to kill;

the other is killing with intent to salt.

When baking dog biscuits, you should always use collie flower.

As a young boy, Brutus' mother often cautioned

him not to run with Caesars.

No one knew I had a dental implant

until it came out in a conversation.

If you're looking for a crummy day, go visit a bread factory.

A woman was on trial for beating her husband

to death with his guitar collection.

Judge says, 'First offender?'

She says, 'No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!

My friend gave me a goat for Christmas.

I said, "You've got to be kidding me."