Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds"...
Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.
"How long will this take?" I asked.
"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.
I stopped.
"Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"
Without missing a beat he says: "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"
He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron". The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "Dam!"
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir! Only one carrion allowed per passenger."
If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion .
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your
count that votes.
A backward poet writes inverse.
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass".
I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: "You stay here. I'll go on a head."
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
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