Found For Friday

Little Aholiab was in the first grade.

One day last week his teacher, Mrs. Beemish, began the school day by asking, “Boys and girls, does any of you have some important news to share with the class this morning?”

Aholiab waved his hand wildly in the air:  “I DO!  I DO, MRS, BEEMISH!!”

“My, my, Aholiab!  Your news must be very important!  Would you like to share it with the rest of the boys and girls?”

Aholiab could scarcely contain himself.  “MY CAT DIED!” he shouted.

“Oh. dear!  That’s terrible news, Aholiab!  How do you know your cat is dead?

“I pissed in its ear!”

“AHOLIAB!  We don’t use that kind of language in school!  What do you mean?”

“Well, it was just lying there, so I bent over and said ‘PSSST!’ in its ear, and it didn’t even move!”

I found a new restaurant where you can eat dirt cheap.

Food costs a little more, but.

I've decided to call the toilet Jim instead of John.

It sounds so much better when I tell people I go to the Jim every day.

The circus manager made the clowns undress in his office as he was fond of comic strips.

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means?

It's not like it's the end of the world

The stand up comedian went to the hospital with mono.

He tweeted out, "I'm here....all weak."

Bugs have very diverse religious views because they are all in sects.

s

As I was paying for my groceries with a check, the cashier asked me for my street name.

"I don't have a street name," I said. "People just call me 'Dom.'"a

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

A buzzard carrying two dead badgers tried to check in at the airport for his flight. The gate attendant told him, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one carrion."

Weigh-ins at the sumo tournament are a large scale effort.

I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,

but just coming to the end of his triumph.