Friday, July 29, 2016

Found For Friday

 A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What the hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.

"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

If I've told you once, I've told you a billion times - don't exaggerate.

Two needles of different length will never see eye to eye.

The skeleton was trying tibia little humerus.

 Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year.
Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

I changed my password to "incorrect". So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say "Your password is incorrect".

Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

 The diet clinic is so successful it would take your breadth away.

Deleting history has become more important than making it.

Did you hear about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well....


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